Date: 11/23/2002 5:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 16845
yeesh...doesn't have the time? Put it up for adoption and atleast give it a chance...there are millions of couples out there who have been waiting YEARS to adopt an infant..  |
Date: 11/23/2002 5:55:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
becky,thats EXACTLY right..  |
Date: 11/23/2002 5:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 50791
I think its wrong. But you should give her some suggestions like having it then giving it up for adoption. Maybe she will listen. She may regret it later on in her life so you should also talk to her about that and make sure she has thought about it enough.  |
Date: 11/23/2002 6:01:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
willow,i know! i even told her,i'd give up my weekends to watch the poor thing!i work on mondays,thursdays and fridays,PLUS i go to college monday through friday 8 hours and what does she do?! nothing!so i tell her i'll watch her baby on weekends and she still wants an abortion!> yummie_eyez |
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Date: 11/23/2002 6:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 50791
Tell her she should give the baby up for adoption. Because I know there are couples out there who would love to have a baby but can't. Tell her to think about that. There are women who would love to be going through what she is going through right now, they would love to be pregnant! |
Date: 11/23/2002 6:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 23610
I had a friend in this situation. She asked me what I thought. I was honest with her and told her that if it was me that I would not have the abortion....but that she is the one that has to make the decision because it is her life and she has to decide it's path and live the consequences of her life and fulfill all the responsibilities that come with it. I told her that I would stand by her whatever choice she made and I would always be her friend and not judge her choices. She had the abortion....it was her right to make that choice...and I still love her.  |
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Date: 11/23/2002 6:15:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
thanks for the replies. willow,i wish she would give it up for adoption too,but she won't...lady yes i will stand by with whatever decision she makes,because its her life and she has the right to do what she wants with her child...but still...it saddens to think about that poor little baby not getting to live enough to see any of its family yummie_eyez |
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Date: 11/23/2002 6:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 23610
I know, Yummie Eyez...and I do understand how you feel. I think sometimes it's that feeling of caring that makes us sometimes want to control others. But it is true that we have to let those we love live and learn, just as we live and learn from our own choices. I'm not saying she is making the "wrong" choice....just that she has to make her decisions. But I understand how you feel about it. It is something that does tug at your heart. |
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Date: 11/23/2002 6:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 50791
Its more sad to see couples who can't have babies for whatever reason going without their dream of having children when other girls are able to have babies and kill them. I'm sorry but this really bothers me. I don't know why. |
Date: 11/23/2002 6:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
after haveing one you feel very very different... it is her choice.. personally i think 19 is young to have a child because your not prepared for the child... but it is her body... if she has one this time she migh tnot ever have one again( my friend had gotten pregnant from a rape and she had an abortion and she said she would never have one again... it has affected her that much) she says she doesn't have time.. she doesn't sound like a very responsable person to be able to care for a child  |
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Date: 11/23/2002 6:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 50791
I guess I can understand how she doesn't want anything to do with any of it and if I were her I'd be glad to have you for a friend because you will stand by her through it all, so good for you for doing that! I just wish she would have it and give it up for adoption to someone who would LOVE to have a baby! |
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Date: 11/23/2002 6:40:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
Nyx,it does tug at your heart...especially when i think about when we were quite younger (we've been friends for forever) and she used to tell me i would be Godmother to her first child.thats really gets to me how things and people can change like that..willow you have some very good points,and i don't think people should be allowed to have abortions either...midnighty i'm not going to bite your head off but agree with you. my friend is very irresponsible. she used to be more responisble than me and as i said before it saddens me how people and things change so qiuckly...yummie-eyez |
Date: 11/23/2002 6:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 33925
I dont think its up to you to decide what she can and cannot handle..only SHE knows that..the decision is hers and hers alone to make..  |
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Date: 11/23/2002 7:00:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
yes ladyluck i know i'm just trying to help her from hurting herself. besides she doesn't have to keep the baby,she can give it to someone else who would take care of it,that way she wouldn't have to get it killed. willow's 2nd reply can explain it better....yummie-eyez |
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Date: 11/23/2002 7:02:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
also,willow has a point in her 3rd reply as well yummie_eyez |
Date: 11/23/2002 7:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 33918
As a friend you should accept her choice and not let her ruin her life..at 19 your still a child and you have lots to live for, she is the only one that should decide what she should do, the only suggestion that you should give her is to use contraception and you to be at her side..Blessed be, ~*~*Mlila~**~*~  |
Date: 11/23/2002 8:32:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
i'm practically laughing now...everyone seems to think i'm trying to tell her what to do:P i am standing at her said and as i said 12 times beofre i will support whatever decision she makes...i'm just going to start copying and pasting:P thanks for replying yummie_eyez |
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Date: 11/23/2002 8:36:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
should be standing at her SIDE,sorry..:P |
Date: 11/23/2002 9:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 34814
I don't think abortion should be used as birth control. I had a friend in high school who had one and I was so mad at her for the longest. I don't believe the soul is there until birth now. So it doesn;t bother me as much. I think She should learn from this and not get pregnant again unless she wants to keep the baby. But if she gets one don't be like I was. Support her and give her love. Cause she is scared I am sure! Also remind her that there are many loving couples who can't have babies and see if she wants to give the baby to a loving family.  |
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Date: 11/24/2002 5:06:00 AM
From Authorid: 35060
I think your friend is right, it's her body no one elseis it's her decision. As for putting up for adoption, well there are plenty of children out there in homes for others to adopt. |
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Date: 11/24/2002 5:08:00 AM
From Authorid: 35060
I'm pro-choice, the pro-lifers make me mad. They should put all there resources into ensuring that the children in the world at the moment are happy instead or fretting over the 'unborn' and a feotus and a child are not the same thing. |
Date: 11/24/2002 6:57:00 AM
From Authorid: 27270
Wow, what a tough spot to be in! HOnestly, from what you're saying, I think she is probably more afraid of the emotional effects of giving birth, and deciding to give the baby up. She might say she "doesn't have time", etc. but I bet deep down, her main fears are emotional. Which is very understandable when you are in this sort of position. Just something you might want to take into consideration or even talk to her about next time you guys sit down and discuss it. Good luck, hope whatever she decides, everything is okay  |
Date: 11/24/2002 12:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 46565
Wow the situation sounds like a terrible dilemma. I think you should support your friend whatever choice she makes. I don't believe in abortion but I recognize it legal in this country. I think your friend should seriously consider adoption. There are many families who would love to adopt a new born baby. However, I think it could be your friend doesn't want the pregnancy itself and all it entails like telling her parents, the father of the baby, morning sickness, and the pain of childbirth so she sees abortion as the only answer. Maybe you could talk to her about why she really wants to do this. Tell her that she only has to sacrifice 9 months of her life to save the life of the baby then she can give the baby up for adoption if she doesn't want it. Please keep us posted on what happens.  |
Date: 11/24/2002 1:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 47296
I have to agree with those who have stated it is her choice. We each have to make choices in our lives based on the circumstances at the time. The choice may not be the most popular, but unless someone is or has been where the person making the choice is, then they will never fully understand the reason for the choice. Many pro-lifers do feel it is better to have the child and give it up for adoption, but they do not realize that the choice to do such also carries implications. Post Partum Depression (correct me if I spelled it wrong) is just as real for those who give a child up for adoption as is it for somewhat that keeps their child. If the person does give the child up for adoption, then when PPD sets in, they may wish they had not done so, and end up with even greater problems. That is something the Pro-lifers do not think about. Life is hard, and we each make our own decisions. Let us each hope when we do that their is a friend there for us.  |
Date: 11/24/2002 4:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 24319
I have many friends and family who have had, or thought about having an abortion.. A very good friend of mind, she herself is an adoptive child. She said she NEVER would get an abortion, well, that time came when she was 19 and she got pregnant and she didn't know who the father was. There were 2 different men in her life.. One was older and very well off, with a good futur ahead of him, who wanted the baby, the other, younger then her, with not a very good futur ahead of himself... She didn't know what to do, so she came to me for advice. I let her know what options were out there for her, such as adoption, and people who could not have children, i even went as far as letting her know there are people who keep baby basinets (sp?) on their porches... She herself was very well off, good job, good family... But she had a active life stlye (drugs, drinking).. she didn't want to give it up... We went to VA Beach while she was pregnant and we went to this car wash when the owner of the car wash came up to our car and handed her a buisness card of sorts... They were unable to have children and were looking for and open adoption, her heart soared, but, sad to say, this friend of mind has a mind which is very easy to get into and pick apart... Everytime she went to the doctor they changed the week that she got pregnant which changed who the father was... The last time she went to the doctor, the week they told her, pegged the younge boy as the father, he didn't want to baby, he got into her head, and the next day she got the abortion, although I stayed by her side for comfort, I did not say I agree'd or disapproved. I kept my thoughts to myself, for I feel that that man at that gas station was Gods way of saying "have the baby". but that is my own belife...I do not say anything as to whether it is right or wrong, even tho to a certain extent I don't agree with it, but in the end, it is their choice and they have to live with it, not me. But, what I do when people come to me (which seems like I am the local therapist) I tell them to think about it through and through, because there is more to it then just going in for the abortion, you have to deal with how you feel in your mind and heart, You might end up regreting it, which is why I tell them to think about it all the way through and not to act on the fear they have... I just had someoen come to me the other day, a male, to be exact who came to me about his girfriend and he told her what i said and she decided against it, which was her choice, and the father is so happy, he smiles from ear to ear everyday... Whether it is wrong or right for someone else to get, I don't think that is up to us to decide, the only we can do is decide whether it is right or wrong for ourselves... I wish the best of luck to your friend in what ever she decides  |
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Date: 11/24/2002 4:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 24319
I have many friends and family who have had, or thought about having an abortion.. A very good friend of mind, she herself is an adoptive child. She said she NEVER would get an abortion, well, that time came when she was 19 and she got pregnant and she didn't know who the father was. There were 2 different men in her life.. One was older and very well off, with a good futur ahead of him, who wanted the baby, the other, younger then her, with not a very good futur ahead of himself... She didn't know what to do, so she came to me for advice. I let her know what options were out there for her, such as adoption, and people who could not have children, i even went as far as letting her know there are people who keep baby basinets (sp?) on their porches... She herself was very well off, good job, good family... But she had a active life stlye (drugs, drinking).. she didn't want to give it up... We went to VA Beach while she was pregnant and we went to this car wash when the owner of the car wash came up to our car and handed her a buisness card of sorts... They were unable to have children and were looking for and open adoption, her heart soared, but, sad to say, this friend of mind has a mind which is very easy to get into and pick apart... Everytime she went to the doctor they changed the week that she got pregnant which changed who the father was... The last time she went to the doctor, the week they told her, pegged the younge boy as the father, he didn't want to baby, he got into her head, and the next day she got the abortion, although I stayed by her side for comfort, I did not say I agree'd or disapproved. I kept my thoughts to myself, for I feel that that man at that gas station was Gods way of saying "have the baby". but that is my own belife...I do not say anything as to whether it is right or wrong, even tho to a certain extent I don't agree with it, but in the end, it is their choice and they have to live with it, not me. But, what I do when people come to me (which seems like I am the local therapist) I tell them to think about it through and through, because there is more to it then just going in for the abortion, you have to deal with how you feel in your mind and heart, You might end up regreting it, which is why I tell them to think about it all the way through and not to act on the fear they have... I just had someoen come to me the other day, a male, to be exact who came to me about his girfriend and he told her what i said and she decided against it, which was her choice, and the father is so happy, he smiles from ear to ear everyday... Whether it is wrong or right for someone else to get, I don't think that is up to us to decide, the only we can do is decide whether it is right or wrong for ourselves... I wish the best of luck to your friend in what ever she decides |
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Date: 11/24/2002 4:35:00 PM
From Authorid: 24319
Sorry about the double post.. my computer screwed up and it posted twice |
Date: 11/24/2002 5:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 16069
Of course I think shes wrong. I had a friend come to me a few years ago. She was 5 months pregnant living in CA. I guess they still will perform abortions when your that far along. I cant believe the lies that came out of my mouth. I told her I wasnt able to have anymore kids and that Id adopt hers. She agreed. Luckily she had her baby and couldnt give him away. I can have kids, but I felt that if I could somehow stop it, Id do whatever it took. I wouldve apoted him though, that wasnt a lie. This post just brought that all back to me. Your being her friend regardless, and I think thats what she needs now. Unfortunantly I know I couldnt be so supportive if I were you. Follow your heart and hopefully all works out.  |
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Date: 11/24/2002 6:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 16069
LadyNYX, Your a good friend! |
Date: 11/25/2002 6:43:00 AM
From Authorid: 20104
I think she is doing the right thing. I think she knows how she can handle her own body and responsibilities much better than you do. You are not her. Just because she doesnt have a job or go to college doesnt mean she is old enough or responsible enough to take care of a baby. It probably means she is less responsible. It is good that you arent going to try to stop her or fill her head with ideas because it is hard enough at that age to go through an abortion and to have your best friend telling you what you are doing is bad and wrong would be horrible to deal with.  |
Date: 11/25/2002 12:00:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
jamiej,i know and i understand that. its not my place to tell her what to do. she asked for an opinion and i gave it to her.i told her *I* didn't think it was right,but if she did then by all means,go for it.adoption is most likely a hard process to go through,and i don't want that for her. i want whats best for her,and as you said,shes the only one who *KNOWS* whats best for her so i should let her choose. i know EXACTLY what your trying to say and i agree with you. ask for everyone else,thanks for the replies,
yummie_eyez |
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Date: 11/25/2002 12:04:00 PM ( Admin-JGB )
How about asking her some tough questions? Like does she think it is a life... will she feel sorry after it is done? will she feel sorry later on after she has her first child and feels what that is like.... questions along those lines might make her think really hard, then let her choose but be there.. your friendship does not depend on her doing what you want Good luck |
Date: 11/25/2002 12:06:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
thanks for replying Jungabel
yummie_eyez |
Date: 12/4/2002 9:06:00 AM
From Authorid: 61928
This is the kind of subject that people are either for or against, and there's no swaying either side's opinion. Personally, I don't think it's a bad thing. Of course it's life, but it's just way too young to even realize that. She knows better than you do whether or not she's capable of raising a child.  |
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Date: 12/4/2002 9:13:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
i never questioned her opinion,and i'm not about to. i'm old enough myself to understand that if she wants to have an arbortion,its up to her. i never once stated that i was *forcing* her to stop. |
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Date: 12/5/2002 8:24:00 AM
From Authorid: 61928
Oh, I wasn't implying that you were trying to force her. All I meant was that only the person who finds themself in this position can say whether or not they can go through with it. That's all. |
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Date: 12/5/2002 10:53:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 54668
ok....i do see you're point though anyways! |
