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"YOU" by Short and Sweet-Trac (constructive criticism wanted)

  Author:  54155  Category:(Poetry) Created:(11/9/2002 10:46:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (964 times)

I don't know where we went wrong
I was always so strong
And the love you fed me was so addictable
And at the same time so harmful
But yet I kept coming back for more
Everyone told me that loving you was bad
And that one day I'd feel so sad
and I guess they were right
Because Im often up at night
Still thinking of the other possibilities
And everything that faded into sweet nothings
That would never come out of your mouth
And everything I said never seemed to mean anything
And when I wanted to say something special the words never came out
I just wish we could go back to how it was last Spring
But you showed no emotions
I could tell you never cared
And you never showed any devotion
And you left when ever you were there
I was so happy when I was with you
I was condemened for I was accrued
But I was naive for I was being used
You never loved me, even tho you said you felt that way once too
I dont know how one can be so insensitve
To feel the warmth of ones touch
Maybe its true that I'm oversensitive
But I thought I loved you too much
To ever let you go although I did
I don't know why I always am so serious
But the look in your eyes was so delirious
And it kept me searching for your love more and more
But the love I received made me feel so sore

** I am gonna work on it later its not done... and... its not good either, its just me getting my feelings down lol... it helps it helps... for those who read it thanks, and your constructive criticism is 100% wanted :) thanks

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 11/10/2002 12:45:00 AM  From Authorid: 52866    I like it, very emotionally deep..."I don't know why I always am so serious
But the look in your eyes was so delirious" <--- good words
  
Date: 11/10/2002 7:31:00 AM  From Authorid: 35281    Good poem so far. I like it. It was very emotional, which i guess is what you wanted, right? Lilwicca  
Date: 11/10/2002 11:56:00 AM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 54155    I guess lol, it was jus something i was feeling i guess... I think I'm getting over him, its just that he can be a jerk to me and I'm dead serious guys he's like the most insensitve person I know...but other than that he's fine... you gotta think of the consequences about going out with an emotionless and insensitve person...they are going to treat u bad...but... I wasn't really trying to make it emotional, its jus I want to get these feelings out like in the open and all that so I won't feel bad later on about it... its just how I am... thanks for your replies!!  
Date: 11/12/2002 6:28:00 PM  From Authorid: 56568    Yeaaa time to move on.. I thought it was "mutual"? lol good job.  

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