Undying Memory of a Child………………..STEEL DOVE

Undying Memory of a Child………………..STEEL DOVE

* Please forgive me, this is one post that I just don't feel like correcting the typos. I left it as I originaly typed it.

I woke up as usual one morning and plunged the three year old into his morning routine. Bob the Builder and Dora the Explorer were blasting on the Television in my bedroom. We were munching away on bananas as we tuned our minds into the world of make believe via Television influence. His father had gotten him out of his bed and placed him to ours, this part of our morning routine that I often looked forward too. His father kissed he and I good bye and said I love you as did the other boys, he was soon on his way. Little did I know that this particular morning would change the rest of my life. It would be the last time that this routine would ever take place and I hadn’t a clue.

Each morning it was the same shows but, different “Mommy Education.” Not a day would go by that I didn’t laugh at something new and learn more about that sweet, soon to be adopted, little boy of ours. I specifically remember this particular morning being so vivid, even before I learned it would be our last morning together. I think that I laughed at that blessed soul and kissed him more than I ever had before, it was truly a perfect mother-to-son morning.

I remember thinking how short his father and I were and how long and tall he was growing. I felt a bit of laughter rise in me, merely for nothing more than glee that I felt toward a child that I never even gave birth too but felt as if I did and was amazed at the height difference.

Total we had four children, all boys ranging from 3 to 12,- 3, 9, 10, 12. Each one so Wonderfully made in there own way by the hand of God. I never thought that Twelve years ago I would be so fortunate to have four beautiful children as I did. I always wanted a girl, one day I hope too. I just won’t be giving birth to her. I know after what we have experienced with the sweet boy we were adopting that I can also accept a girl with utter love and compassion and acceptance as a being, a daughter and I hope too.

After the Boy and I had watched cartoons there were many things to do. We went on our business and completed our tasks to the best we could accomplish as daily love companions. Lunchtime came and we decided to take daddy Lunch. I had chosen to call daddy first before we showed up with Lunch. This was something I didn’t normally do. I typically just grabbed the boy and we took daddy a yummy lunch.

I called daddy’s work and asked for him, this way we could let him know that The good stuff was on it’s way. The secretary responded with words that I will hear and remember forever, “ He isn’t here, he called in sick today.”

As the day proceeded and time went on, I realized that daddy actually had called in sick, later that evening, when I filed a missing persons report, I soon began to see many things fall into place that I had no clue of before. It was a day that I thought I would never forget, but, I did, some things you just have to put in the trash.

Upon realizing that my husband was truly a missing persons, I called his mother and told her of his disappearance. She soon called me after being contacted by my husband hours later and let me know of his where abouts. I remember her being very rude to me as I cried over my husbands safety and well being. I held our 3 year old tight in concern and love. At that moment, it was never even a breathed thought, that it may be the last time we embraced in that manner again. Soon, as I held the baby, Emotion turned into corroded time. I began learning more and more of my husbands’ secret life, I knew I had to let go, Forgive, and never take him back. That I did!

Today, there are no longer four boys in this once happy home. There is no mom and dad; there is a mom, a ten year old and a twelve-year-old boy. The baby is gone from the consequences of daddy’s selfish actions. Another family is adopting him and the nine year old is now living with his mother.

I still look back to the last morning that the three year old and I spent together, I think God gave it to us. He gave it to us to last a lifetime. Not just for mom, but for the boy too.

My Two sweet boys and I have seen the three-year-old one time before he was taken into his new family; it was an extended moment that not one of us will forget our lives to come. We are secure though; we grow each and every day.

Strange how one person can tear up so many lives? Even Stranger is how the strongest begin to heal. Stranger than that, the suffering that the disruptive person that unbalanced the whole flow of life is now paying for it all.

Each and Ever day that goes by, I think of my youngest son. I also think of my husbands’ son that we lost. My heart is torn, but, I also understand that this is the flow and balance of life that few appreciate. I may not like what has happened in life, but it is my job to carry on with my precious two boys and NEVER forget the other two that live in my mind and heart as memories and love.

You are ever strong, test it, you have to know and believe that you are truly strong, or the jackals eat you alive.

Love, STEEL DOVE

*In Memory of S.B.F.*

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