Crazy Thoughts For A Crazy Day!!! Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to Kill today because they ticked me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, As they may be connected to the butt that I may kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday,
23% on Tuesday,
40% on Wednesday,
20% on Thursday,
And 5% on Friday.
And, help me to remember... When I'm having a really bad day,
And it seems that people are trying to tick me off,
That it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.
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Thoughts On Life Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. If you really need a grouch, there are probably a few dozen of your relatives to do the job.
Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Just never let the brain become idle.
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive laughter.
Do not worry about situations beyond your control. What shall be will be. Worrying about what you can't control won't help anyone, and will only hurt you.
The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country, but not guilt.
Tell the people you love, that you love them. Do this frequently, and at every opportunity. You never know when that might be the last opportunity you have to tell them.
Remember, Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
=-=================================================
Forget about the days when its been cloudy, but don’t forget your hours in the sun.
Forget about the times you’ve been defeated, but don’t forget the victories you’ve won.
Forget about mistakes that you can't change now, but don’t forget the lessons that you’ve learned.
Forget about misfortunes you encounter, but don’t forget the times your luck has turned.
Forget about the days when you’ve been lonely, but don’t forget the friendly smiles you’ve seen.
Forget about the plans that didn’t seem to work out right,
but,
Do not forget that you have friends, that you can always count on.
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A friend took a moment to send this to you... Take a moment to read it!
Take a moment to think...
Take just a moment and think about how lucky you are to be alive. Take a moment to think about how blessed you are to live in a country that is free. Take a moment right now to remember those who have fallen for your freedom.
Take a moment to think about someone you love. And take a moment to think about someone who loves you!
Take a moment to reflect on what is truly important.
And take a moment To pass this page along to touch someone's heart and let them take a moment to think!
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Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby.
I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics, and turned to relate it all to my co-workers.
"I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds."
"When was she born?" someone asked.
Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!"
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When you are born you are crying
and everyone around you is smiling.
Live your life so that when you die you are smiling
and everyone around you is crying.
Good advice for everyone!!!
================================================= Old Jokes Never Die!
They're not dead yet!
Old actors never die, they just drop a part. Old anthropologists never die, they just become history. Old bowlers never die, they just end up in the gutter. Old burglars never die, they just steal away!
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react. Old composers never die, they just de-compose. Old hikers never die, they just trail away. Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed. Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent. Old plumbers never die, they just go down the drain. Old postal carriers never die, they just lose their zip!
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing. Old Scots never die, but they can be kilt! Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles. Old shoemakers never die, they just lose their sole.
Old soccer players never die, they just lose their kick. Old students never die, they just get degraded. Old watchmakers never die, they just wind down. Old yachtsmen never die, they just keel over!
=============================================== The Twelve Nights of HALLOWEEN!
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On the first night of Halloween My true love gave to me... A vulture in a dead tree!
On the second night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Two flying bats And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the third night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the fourth night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the fifth night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Five TRICK-OR-TREATS, Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the sixth night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Six ghosts a-haunting, Five TRICK-OR-TREATS, Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the seventh night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Seven doors a-creaking, Six ghosts a-haunting, Five TRICK-OR-TREATS, Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the eighth night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Eight vampires biting, Seven doors a-creaking, Six ghosts a-haunting, Five TRICK-OR-TREATS, Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the ninth night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Nine monsters howling, Eight vampires biting, Seven doors a-creaking, Six ghosts a-haunting, Five TRICK-OR-TREATS, Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the tenth night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Ten spiders spinning, Nine monsters howling, Eight vampires biting, Seven doors a-creaking, Six ghosts a-haunting, Five TRICK-OR-TREATS, Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the eleventh night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Eleven witches brewing, Ten spiders spinning, Nine monsters howling, Eight vampires biting, Seven doors a-creaking, Six ghosts a-haunting, Five TRICK-OR-TREATS, Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
On the twelfth night of Halloween My true love gave to me... Twelve pumpkins grinning, Eleven witches brewing, Ten spiders spinning, Nine monsters howling, Eight vampires biting, Seven doors a-creaking, Six ghosts a-haunting, Five TRICK-OR-TREATS, Four hooting owls, Three black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!
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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .
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