"How NOT To Rob Banks" wooden nickel

"How NOT To Rob Banks"

Pick The Right Bank: You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.

Study Your History: Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried it again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar in Minnesota.

Speak To The Right Teller: One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.

Don't Sign Your Demand Note: Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh ... on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit. And in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's name and account number.

Don't Advertise: A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while holding up banks.

Go Easy On The Disguise: One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print.

Take Right Turns Only: Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.

Be Aware Of The Time: Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived.

Consider Another Line Of Work: Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber, trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.

Be Strong: Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside.

=-=================================================

. A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it.

No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check twice...

==================================================

. "You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?"

"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."

=================================================

CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

==================================================

Three vampires go into a bar. The bartender walks up to the first one and says, "What can I get you?" The vampire says, "I want a pint of blood." The bartender then asks the second vampire, and he too replies that he would like a pint of blood. The bartender then asks the third vampire for his drink order. The vampire says, "I want a pint of plasma." The bartender thinks for a minute and says, "Let me see if I've got this right. That's two bloods and a blood light?"

================================================

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable definiency of the modern world, real or imaginary.

We know we take responsiblity for all we have done and do not blame others.

BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

The melody out of the music, The pride out of appearance, The romance out of love, The commitment out of marriage, The responsibility out of parenthood, The togetherness out of the family, The learning out of education, The service out of patriotism, The religion out of schools, The Golden Rule from rulers, The nativity scene out of cities, The civility out of behavior, The refinement out of language, The prudence out of spending, The ambition out of achievement,

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others !!!



Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner?

Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!

Remember ... .inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened !

YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the part y... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me get up.

I'm smling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over....

I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as mine.

I'm so cared for....long term care, eye care,private care, dental care.

I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials,Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, Barking dogs, politicians, and a few other things I can't remember.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.

I'm having trouble remembering simple words like......

I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps.

I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?

I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

I'm a walking storeroom of facts ... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.

========================================================

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk failure.

But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. If you risk nothing, and do nothing, you dull your spirit.

You may avoid suffering and sorrow, but you cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, and live.

Chained by your attitude, you are a slave.

You have forfeited your freedom.

Only if you risk, are you free.

=================================================

WHAT IS THE FIRST RULE?

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall.

After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"



___________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? -- Une adresse @yahoo.fr gratuite et

Show all stories by   Author:  27583 ( Click here )