Self injury

I was looking through some old USM posts I haven't been on USM for about a month I found a excellent post on self injury I believe that if you know nothing of this topic you should check out the post it explains things excellently (http://www.unsolvedmysteries.com/usm232155.html) I was a cutter for two years and a half... I never got to far into cutting I did it but not terribly I did small things to myself so I was lucky I didn't get too caught up in the cycle however I believe if I didn't get caught when I did I would have had it set into my mind that cutting is my only resort besides death I was a little 7th and 8th grader! (I look at 7th and 8th graders now even freshmen they seem so immature I cannot imagine me being that way but I was) I look back at myself and think what did I half to worry of? Homework? Grades? Family fighting? SIbling fights? Yes all of that but in the end it turned out okay! I always expected the worst possible! I also had memories of an event in my life to this day it eats at me did I make the events up in my head and tell myself this happened? Well I stopped cutting once I got caught by parents when my brother told on me... He told my parents he worried of me wheather it a load of crap I do not know when he told he told on me because one day I refused to do dishes and he used it as a threat I will tell mom and dad on u if u don't I refused he told... My parents were ashamed and told me no more I never went off board cutting but once or twice... I remember just cutting both of my ankles it was a nasty mess... I remember cutting my thigh it was kinda gross in the end but I normally just cut my wrist (not deep and not vertically) Some people thought it was a bad suicidal attempt they were truely un-aware! How I got started cutting is odd... I was in a hurry I went to cut this great fudge my mom made it was in the fridge it was hard I was a stupid child and took a steak knife and tried to pry the piece of fudge up instead the knife slipped and hit my wrist and cut it I don't know what was up with me but (sounds insane) I admired it... I always thought cutting my wrist would hurt horribly but when it was an accident it never hurt (the cut at 1st wasnt to bad later that day I ended up going to the nurse office my friend saw it and I ended up getting out of school to get some steri-strips on it... It wasn't closeing up like it should have) I thought a cut like the one I got would hurt I do not know what it was but I liked whatever it was... Then i looked back at my child hood I then remembered pain brought me a odd peace when I was younger I would have fits I would bang my head until I felt a peace come over me then I would drop to the floor and cry... I stopped at one point and then I just decided to cut... I was able to stop though when told by my parents I dunno if it was I knew it was wrong and when my father told me no more (he has depression) he had a effect on me I really admire both parents soo giving and loving and tolerant I am wondering did they have that great off effect? I read other cutter stories and they half to get professional help am I a rare type? I mean I have an urge sometimes but ignore it and write down my thoughts and sleep and look at what i wrote later when i am in a better mood. I haven't cut after I once stopped ( i stopped 2 months after parents told me no) I think to myself when i consider it I will be letting myself down I will lose against what I like to refer to is the demon!

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