I'm startin to think that my teen years are gone...by Kaja aka Queen Crazy

Okay I dunno why this depresses me so much.... Ever since I was little we moved a lot. I mean by the time I was 13 I'd lived in Iowa, Colorado, and Missouri overall a total of 18 or more moves...When I moved back to Iowa for the final time we lived in a small town of 300 called royal. The kids hated and harassed me bad! I mean I was 13 these were my teen years I look at my lil sister Brit now and see how she has all these friends and has had boyfriends andd how still at the age of 15 I have had none I mean NONE of that (good non backstabbing decent friends...) Well i left royal because they teased me and moved into a town 15 miles away named Spencer with a population of 11000. Well anyways so here I am almost out of 7th grade and I was determined to pick up my teen life and make it good. When I first got to my new school (which I am still currently in) I was not shy and talked with all the new girls I met. I thought it would go good...Tell I was in 8th grade (bout Novemberish of my 8th grade year) and the 'scuzzy' crowd started befriending me (I didnt know much bout them..) and I guess I got a repuation. Well then the crowd started making rumors about me and I ended up finishing 8th grade year sitting alone at lunch and having no friends. Then 9th grade year came and for the whole year (minus an incident which went badly with an old friend from the scuz crowd) I sat by myself and talked to no one new. Well then this year comes same thing. The only people who would befriend me were scuzzy people who: cut themselves for fun, liked satan worship, did drugs and drank, got in a lot of trouble (Im not speculating I mean these would be the things theyd come up and talk to me bout and I didnt even know them!) And when I tell these people I wouldnt know cuz Im not interested in that stuff they seem shocked! That kinda scares and offends me...I mean do people think I do that stuff? Now to the second part of this: I sing. Ever since I was 10 singing has been part of my life (bless the Spice girls lol!) When I was 13 I started getting visions and persuing singing seriously... It seems those two things are the only things I ever do anymore. They've been the only things I've done since they started! Now heres the depressing part: I used to have (and probably still do) low self esteem because of all the xtreme harrasment those kids inflicted on me. I used to think I couldnt get friends or a bf because Im fat and ugly. Now Im starting to realize just these kids dont like 'new people' (true story: a year ago (9th grade) a kid who I'd know since I started and he didnt like me called me the new kid!) Homecoming is next week: And its really depressing me. I mean I am so longing to be normal yet at the same time I'm getting ready to send out my demo this winter (heck I may try and get a hold of transcon records within the next few weeks which makes it all the more depressing realzing that my teen life is almsot gone...) I mean I'm 15 this really is depressing knowing I can be normal. What do you all think? What should I do to be a tid bit more normal? I feel I already lost my teen years...Thanxs-Kaja aka Queen Crazy

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