Real Mothers don't , WOODEN NICKEL

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to makeit.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesn't come out of shag carpets.

Real Mothers sometimes ask "Why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "Because I love you best."

Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height, years, or grade... it is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom.

Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.



Real Mother's Always Get The Best "I Love You's"



============================== WHAT IS A SISTER

A sister is someone who's been where you've been, who knows you and what you're about...

Someone you know you can call if you need to when something's just not working out.

A sister is someone who's more than just family her friendship is one of a kind...

And the closeness you've shared through life's laughter and tears is the deepest that you'll ever find.

I'm lucky to have a sister like you... I wouldn't trade our special relationship for anything in the world.

Nothing is more comfortable or more reassuring than knowing that you're always there.

And you make life so enjoyable just by being yourself You've always been the best kind of sister.

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A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This" he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste." After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth."

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When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes, "Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

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In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.

There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

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How NOT To Write A Resume!









These are actual quotes from resumes... You gotta wonder how some people EVER get a job!







"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."

"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."







"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."







"Let's meet, so you can 'Ooh' and 'Aah' over my experience."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."







"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

"Marital status: often. Children: various."

"Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."







"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting no one and absolutely nothing.

"Finished eighth in my class of ten."







"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. Could not work under those conditions.

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."







"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."

"References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

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