Ha Ha these are funny........Vampire Kiss

A class in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it.

Little Johnny handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course as long as there's no homework."

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On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher decided to get to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl said, "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."

The next little boy said, "I'm Andy and my dad is a mechanic."

Then another little boy said, "My name is Little Johnny and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for homosexual men."

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject, but later in the schoolyard the teacher approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a homosexual bar.

Little Johnny blushed and said, "I'm sorry, but my dad is an auditor for the IRS and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

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Little Johnny used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Little Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.

They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Little Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and Little Johnny would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.

One day after Little Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Little Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

Slowly, Little Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and he said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"

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A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, ..."Not anymore! He is!"

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Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle John came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny.

When Uncle John came into the bedroom, he saw the Little Johnny kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.

Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?"

"Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uuncle John.

"Ma's gonna be mad", said Little Johnny. "The pot's on this side".

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Catty Caddy Comments

~^~ Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

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Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

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Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

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Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."

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Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

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Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

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Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

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Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

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Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

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Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

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Well there was a few more but they had a more dirty calibur....well anyway hope you enjoyed...

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