we don't serve strings in here.'' , wooden nickel

There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ''I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' The string walks back to the table and tells his friends what the bartender said.

''I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink,'' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, ''I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.

The third string says ''Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink'' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ''You a string?'' ''Frayed knot,'' he replies.

=================================

One



As the soot and dirt and ash rained down, We became one color.

As we carried each other down the stairs of the burning building We became one class.

As we lit candles of waiting and hope We became one generation.

As the firefighters and police officers fought their way into the inferno We became one gender.

As we fell to our knees in prayer for strength, We became one faith.

As we whispered or shouted words of encouragement, We spoke one language.

As we gave our blood in lines a mile long, We became one body.

As we mourned together the great loss We became one family.

As we cried tears of grief and loss We became one soul.

As we retell with pride of the sacrifice of heros We become one people.

We are One color One class One generation One gender One faith One language One body One family One soul One people

We are The Power of One. We are United. We are America.

=================================

Twin Towers

Twin Towers stood proud, amongst the buildings of the city, Dignified, symbol of strength, Graced by the sunlight, shone brightly, Reflections of freedom. Then one day, the Twin Towers no longer were, Down they came, to the earth that held them up so high. Innocent as the lives that are gone, Never to be witnessed again, Only in the memories of one's mind Hearts broken, saddened ath the loss, Nations watched, as if frozen in time, The Twin Towers that stood so proud, Dignified, symbol of strength Graced by the sunlight, no longer bright Clouds of dust filled the air, The hearts of all felt the pain of innocence gone, Never to be recaptured, except in the reflection of the mind The Twin Towers that stood as proud, Dignified, symbols of strength, In the midst of tragedy, Nations came together in strength, Courage in the lives of human need, To reach out in prayer of peace, In the saddened , broken hearts, United by the pain. For in time, the Twin Towers will rise But the hearts of mankind will never Forget the innocence that was lost, That bright day of September 11, 2001 When the Twin Towers stood so tall, Dignified, symbols of strength Shining brightly in the sunlight, Reflections of freedom.

====================================

Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot messes up, the pilot dies; If ATC messes up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and " Oh darn!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the darn thing down. (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing. (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan).

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good pee, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there)

"Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." (A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320).

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules 1. Try to stay in the middle of the air. 2. Do not go near the edges of it. 3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

=====================================

An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "Well, it looks plastic."

Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber."

Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?"

The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."

The attorney responded, "Let me take a look."

So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"

The drunk replied, "Out of my nose."

========================================= After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialled him -- and got a woman.

"Is Mike there?" I asked confused.

"Umm, he's in the shower," she responded.

"Would you please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and immediately hung up.

When he didn't return the call, I angrily dialled again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said.

"Like Heck you are!" I exclaimed. "You're not my boyfriend!"

"Lady, I know that," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

========================================= A new, young M.D. doing his residency in obstetrics was quite embarrassed to perform female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment, he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly during the exam.

One day, the middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing an exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing him.

He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry, was I tickling you?"

She replied, "No, doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."

========================================

A man walks up to a female colleague in his office each day. Making a point of standing very close to her, he draws a deep breath through his nose, pauses, smiles, and tells her how wonderful her hair smells. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer. The woman marches into her supervisor's office, tells him about the "hair thing", and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man. The supervisor is puzzled, and struggles to understand what the problem is. He asks her, "What's sexually threatening about a man telling you that your hair smells nice?" The woman screams : He's a DWARF!!"

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