"I'll never understand girls, , wooden nickel

Young teen to friend: "I'll never understand girls, even if I should live to be twenty."

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

Frustrated fem: "And if I turn you down, you'll kill yourself, right ?"

Anxious boy: "Well... that's what I usually do."

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

"Ohhhh Harold." wailed the young miss. "If there was a weather report on your brain, it would be 'Dense fog -- relative stupidity 100%'."

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

As they were parked in front of her house, the young girl told her date, "You know, we're an awful lot like Romeo and Juliet. My dad sez he's going to kill you."

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A young teen sent his girlfriend a dozen long stemmed roses. It had the following note on the attached card: "With all my love, and most of my allowance.

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The Yuppie and Yuppette, ever alert to "appearances", were both very concerned over the girl their son was dating.

"Son..." the Father began, "I should think you'd be a little more particular over the company you keep."

"Dad," the boy replied, "If you're talking about Mitzi, I'm sorry but she's the best girl I can get with the car I have."

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

The scrawny young miss with train-track braces on her teeth and an overly large retainer was hanging near the library's information desk as if she wanted to ask a question, but was afraid to. Finally, the librarian smiled at the shy lil' girl and said, "Is there something I can help you find ?"

"Well..." she blushed. "Would you know if you have a current copy of 'Scouting for Boys?'"

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

In spite of all of today's modern technology, adolescence remains that period of time in a young man's life where he refuses to believe that some day he'll be just as dumb as his Father.

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

Teenage girl to boyfriend: "One would never realize it by dating you, but American teenagers spend over 14 billion dollars a year just on entertainment."

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One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in the pints, and were stuck in the thick heads.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

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My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very next boat.

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"Kids Hear The Darndest Things"

* Newly assigned officers to a Naval Air Station are quite often "adopted" by a family. One such young officer, a Lieut. Commander, kind-of became an Uncle to the family's only 4 year old daughter.

One Sunday, he asked her what she had learned in Sunday School. She said she had learned all about the ten commanders, and that they were always broke. - - - - -

* This same little girl, was told to draw her conception of the Hebrews flight into Egypt. She came home with a picture of an airplane, the passengers all with halos and one person up front without one. When asked about it, she explained, "Oh, that's Pontius, the pilot." - - - - -

* The Lord's Prayer has always been easy for kids to misinterpret, either through poor enunciators or from mumbling congregations. One little boy, always a classic joke, said "Harold be Thy name."

Two other lesser known prayers though are a little girl saying: "Give us this day our jelly bread." Or the little New York boy who petitioned God to "Lead us not into Penn Station." - - - - -

* After hearing the Christmas story, and singing "Silent Night" a Sunday School Class in Sao Paulo was asked to draw what they thought the Nativity Scene might have looked like. One boy did a good likeness of Joseph, Mary and the infant, but off to the side was a roly-poly figure. The teacher, afraid that he had somehow worked Santa Claus into the scene asked him who that was. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or even more worried when the boy responded, "Oh, that's Round John Virgin."

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