Family Ties ~ Hey Larry ~

I arrive home after a long day at the salt mine. A hot and sweltering apartment greets me, as I am too cheap to leave the A/C on while I'm not at home. I have no pets nor plants to care for, so what's a few bucks I don't have to donate to the electric company?

The answering machine is there in case I miss something. Yeah...right. The last time I missed anything was a belated message from a blind date that never showed. Something about having to get her hair done.

But today, the message light was flashing. I hoped that it was'nt dreadful news, like say from a bill collector. But my mind quickly fast-forwarded. I had reconciled my debts from the past, and my credit is now A+ !

That was some time ago, and instead of wondering, I pushed the play button.

"....BEEP..... Hello nephew, it's your Aunt from Washington. I wanted to ask you if you needed some shirts. Not long-sleeved, but short. Uncle Tim is now getting used to wearing hospital gowns and it seems that he will be needing an entirely different wardrobe. So I thought I would pass them on to you....."

My mind immediately ran to 'Red Alert', as I had no idea why my Aunt would call me out of the blue like this. The month prior my Mother had called and inquired if I had gotten a check from my Aunt. I was'nt too happy about this. As I had not recieved a check, nor was I expecting one, I know I did'nt request one, and why is my mother asking me this question, instead of my aunt?

"...and I know that the short-sleeved ones would fit you nicely. I don't want to take up too much of your time, but give me a call and don't try to e-mail me as I cannot figure out how to use this darn thing anyway...."

My Aunt never was much on the computer, and I think she dreaded her son getting one for her personal use. And as far as this shirt business goes, I had to think of a way to say "NO". No offense, but I cannot envision myself wearing shirts that were previously owned by my Uncle. No doubt they are quality shirts. but I get the feeling that the color and style are years ahead of me, if you get my drift.

Besides, everytime I do call my Aunt, just to say hello, it seems like she's always nervous about something. Of course she won't let on, but I can sense it. Usually the calls I make last at the most, 5 minutes. And I do not understand the "Ghost" check, not in the least. The only way my mother could have known is if my Aunt had said something.

"....so if you can give me a call and let me know where to send them..."

If I had my wish, I would have her send them to a local charity. But I know that would only insult her, and hurt her feelings. Besides, she has my address, I have'nt moved in 5 years.

I guess I will just have her send the lot to my present address, and give her the same address, and thank her and Uncle Tim. Then I will take the shirts and have them incinerated, for my own good.

"....you know your Uncle has his moods, and is changing more and more these days. Just thought you'd like to have a few of his things before...well..before his time comes...."

Whatever the case, I have not seen either of them for some time. But I know the rest of my family is in on it. I caught on right after my mother called about the so called check. I pretended I knew nothing about it, never saw it, never got it. But the truth is, it was destroyed in a BBQ that a neighbor was having next door. I was'nt about to open it. And when put to the fire, a loud "pop" and then a sizzle, and it was no more.

"....so let me know soon, I love you!"

I plan on letting her know as soon as I get my Bio- Hazard Kit from the website I ordered from. I was fooled once, but I refuse to get burned again.

Show all stories by   Author:  5940 ( Click here )