Lady Crow couldnt help with the final piece, so im doing it on my own
as the htoughts went through my mind, i almost fell from the tears and the pain. i tried taking the pain away with the knife, but it was just so much. i couldnt stand it anymore. there was just that there, plus more. i wanted it to end, i thought maybe screaming, or something would help. but it just made it worse.
i had cut myself 36 times before the pain stopped hurting a bit, to where i could get myself away from the yelling, and the pain. my parents werent home at the time, but i couldnt call them, and make them worry. there was just no way. if i told them, they would lock me away, and that wasnt a thing i wanted to die with. i knew my life was coming to an end, but i didnt know when i would decide to take it, maybe today or tomorrow.
i walked around for a while, trying to process things, trying to figure out new ways to try and stop the pain. i was thinking about trying pills, and getting into drugs. i didnt eventually get into that, but the pain was still there. just not as bad. i guess i could stay like this for a while.
3 months passed, and i had it under control, i thought "hey this isnt that bad, though i know its not gonna last." at the end of three months the pain started, and the cutting got worse. i had cut my arms all up, but i wasnt done. i finally had my body covered in blood, thought not deep enough to kill me. there was just one place that wasnt covered, that was my neck. i thought "well it could kill me, or save me one more day." I took the knife and went across the neck. the expression on my face was "oh no! i went to far" i grabbed for my neck, hoping to stop the bleeding, but it was to late.
i was able to call 911 one, and then i closed my eyes. a few hours later, i was still alive, how could this be. what if i was dead already, what if it wasnt a few hours. the last thing i heard before the light was "she isnt gonna make it, make funeral arrangements." i let go.
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