" Recipe for a Miracle , " , wooden nickel

Here is a secret recipe, filled with love to you from me. Keep it close to your heart for the days of gloom and ill start. This recipe will help you many a day to keep the negativity away...

Ingredients:

1 cup Tension 2 cups Stress 1 1/2 teaspoons of Guilt 2 heaping cups of Limited Time 3/4 tablespoon of Urgency A dash of "No Other Choice"

3 heaping cups of Faith







Directions:

Fold ingredients gently into a bowl. Mix vigorously and add a few tears. You'll sweat a little as you knead the dough. Pack it firmly between your hopes and dreams and form into a perfect little ball. Sprinkle it with a little faith, rolling the ball in the flour until fully covered.

Place it under a veil of belief and allow it to rise.

Put it in an oven that has been pre-set at the perfect temperature for the heat of trials and tribulations.

Allow it to brown under the warmth of God's love. Remove after due season and allow to cool in the confidence of His promise.

Garnish with your praises. Arrange neatly on a platter of thankfulness and serve to friends, families and, oh yes, strangers . . . invite them too!

Pass on the recipe to all and let them know that with this recipe, they have the makings of a miracle!

======================================

Bin Laden and several of his followers were returning to the cave after a long evening hiding in the desert. As they ducked in Bin Laden threw up all over himself. Pointing to a fanatic above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!" The following morning Bin Laden was checking the log and saw that the young soldier had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also crapped in your pants." =================

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman." The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, 'tis I." "And who might be the woman you were with?" "I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say." "Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Lisa O'Shanter?" "I'm sorry, but I'll not name her." "Was it Cathy O'Dell?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona Mallory, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now." Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Five more good leads!" ==================

Bob had just finished playing a round of golf and was in the locker room getting undressed to take a shower when one of his friends happened to notice him slipping out of a pair of women's panties. "Hey, Bob," his friend called out across the locker room. "How long have you been playing golf in women's underwear?" "How long?" came the reply. "Ever since my wife found a pair in the back seat of my car after I came home from supposedly playing a round of golf!" ==================

Bob took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bob, why should I do such a thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome." ===================

Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in the airport. "How come?," his nephew asked. "My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained. "Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents.

=-======================================

Thank you for all the moments we've shared, moments filled with shared dreams and wishes, secrets, laughter, and tears, and above all, friendship. Each precious second will be treasured in my heart forever.

Thank you for taking time, time to stop and take an interest in me; time to listen to my problems and help me find the solutions, and most of all, time to smile at me and show you care..

Thank you for being you you're a wonderful person. You were there when I needed you to confide in and to ask advice from.

Through you, I began to understand and then like myself.. How can I ever tell you how much I care for you??

=====================================

If anyone should hurt you And say a thing unkind, Remember what I tell you, And keep these things in mind.



For every one who makes you cry, There are three who make you smile, And a smile will last a long, long time, But a tear just a little while!



If someone says a thing that's cruel, Don't let it get to you, There's so much good about you, And your faults are very few.



So if a certain someone Should act a certain way, Just think of those who love you And don't let it ruin your day.



Don't let someone who hates the world Cause you to hate it too, For behind the clouds is a golden sun, And a sky that's bright and blue!

===============================

New Interviewing Technique

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering. If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

=======================================

A true story sent by Dana... One of my duties as a stay-at-home mom is to take kids to the doctor. My youngest turned 3 and I took him for his 3-year-old check-up. They have toys in the small check-up rooms, and Jerry had chosen a small white plastic horse. The doctor came in and asked me some basic developmental questions like: Can he speak in words where we can understand him? “Yes.” Is he dressing himself? “Yes.” Can he recognize his body parts like eyes, nose, and tummy? “Yes.” The doctor started to break the ice with Jerry by saying “Hey Jeremiah, what do you have there?” Jerry says “A horse.” The doctor says “What color is the horse?” Jerry says “White.” The Doctor then asked “How does the horse sound?” Jerry just looked. With this the doctor made the horse sound and Jerry smiled. Ice broken.

“Now Jeremiah,” began the doctor “Let’s see if there is a horse in your ear.” He looked in one ear and said “No horse in there.” Then the other. He looked in Jerry’s nose and mouth each time in search of the horse. He took out his hammer and checked reflexes, then listened to Jerry’s heart and lungs - the whole routine check-up. The doctor then laid Jerry on his back and checked his belly button, and said “No horse in there.” He then moved to Jerry’s groin area, and flipped Jerry over and looked up his butt and Jerry shouted “Is there a horse up my butt? The doctor said with a smile, "No, Jeremiah, no horse in there!”

========================================

"Bubbe, how long have you and Zayde been married?" asked young Jill. "Fifty years," Bubbe replied. "That is so wonderful," exclaimed Jill. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?" "Right Jill," Bubbe replied. "Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times." =======================

Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do? So all of the recruits bar one scatter and get down behind "stuff", and get into returning fire positions. The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open, quite relaxed and unfazed. Yelling, the Sergeant asks "What the devil do you think you're doing? You're under fire!" So the recruit takes one step to the left and remains still. Now the Sergeant's really annoyed. He yells again, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? You're under imaginary fire, take cover!" The recruit turns to him and replies, "I'm taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!"

Show all stories by   Author:  27583 ( Click here )