Help Me Before I Go Insane!!!!

Here's the deal. I'm 18. I'm very lonely. For a few months I had a close friend who I was keeping in touch with everyday. Well,I fell for him. Bascially I told him I loved him. Knowing he did not want a relationship. I'm going to share on here the letter I sent him. I haven't heard from him anymore. And,I am so sad. I don't have many friends. So,I would really like to have him back in my life. Before I call or email him I need some advice on what I should do. Or,even talk to him about. So,please everyone who can,please help me!

The letter once again. i dont even know why im writing this.or why im even wasting my time writing to you. but my dad was right once again. im wishing and holding onto something i have never had. i will never have a chance to get and something i will wish for the rest of my life. also something i will regret the rest of my life.i feel stupid writing this. but you once said you can handle pretty much anything. so here goes. i am young and although i am only 18 years old. i have found someone that i adore,that i truly like. i hardly ever see you anymore. though im lucky once a month or so to see you. i live every single moment wishing to run into you. wishing we could be near. the closest we are right now and maybe ever is an email a way. its hard liking someone so much and never being able to see them. it hurts seeing other happy couples. holding hands,going to the movies,all the happy couple stuff etc... sometimes the smallest things in life can make a world of a difference. im waiting for something i will never have. i want what cher had with sonny. i want what celine dion has with her husband. most of all,all i really truly want is love. i want to know what its like to love someone. i want to most of all know what it is like to be loved by someone. i dont care about money or houses,or clothes or any of that stuff. i dont care about presents or flowers. all i want is to be with that someone special. and to have that special someone to want to be with me. i truly dont even like living ever day wondering and wishing for something i pretty much know i will never get. some days it is very hard to go on. most days i dont know how i make it through a day. sometimes i wish i could turn myself into what julia roberts did in Pretty Woman. i dont even care about hurting myself. if its the only way i could fall in love with someone,i would do anything. but i dont deserve anything. maybe im lucky to be alive but i dont at all deserve it. its not hard growing up. its hard living. and its hard living around happiness when im so sad. and as hard as it is for me to say this,you were my first kiss. you were my first for alot. you were the first person i truly felt comfortable with. i know you dont want to talk to me much anymore. and thats ok. i can handle rejection by now. im used to it. its alot easier writing to someone than saying stuff in person. i know im young,id give anything to be older. please dont tell anyone about this email. but this is all coming from the heart. and i know how you feel already. but i just gotta say all this. im sorry for annoying you. sometimes i wish we had never met. but i am going to end with this. if you have ever or will ever feel like this for me. do me this little favor. give me a little hint. if u even just care about me come find me and give me that hint. if you happen to not ever be the one i hope i find someone who treats me the way you used to and cares about me as much if not more. . if u give me a hint i will know there is still hope for me. i think im just a hopeless romantic. i need to find someone who is the same

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