1. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose.
2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky down your throat.
3. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort".
4. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a Robertson (squarehead) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle.
5. Remove all actual food from the house.
6. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall.
Lisa
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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .
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