Friends to More than such... and should I push it? ---- long story for those who like reading ----

I can start from the beginning to try and get the best advice...

I met J (that's what we'll call her) through a friend, she was a friend's neighbor, and only two years older than us, so we played in the farm creek and built stone dams in the horse pasture, and basically, were kids, so I knew her starting in 5th grade. Through Junior high (6-8 where I live) nothing romantic or even really friendly happened, we were aquantinces.

My freshmen year in HS, she was a Junior, and could drive, so her, another friend of hers, (junior) and a friend of mine
My feelings for J only grew after that, in my Sophomore year, we kept spending time together, and it was starting to just eat me up inside towards the end of the year, and we were going to be going on a band trip to San Francisco for a week at the beginning of the summer. I thought this was wonderful, and on the flight, asked if since she and another guy were going to be leaving their jobs, (nice, intern-style jobs) if I'd be able to talk to their boss and take over. (more on that later) We were like typical tourists, hitting all the spots, but some rides were up to 3 hours on the bus, and the one thing I will NEVER forget about that trip, is riding behind her on the charter busses, running my hands through her hair and massaging her neck/shoulders/back -all under the guise of friendship, but I didn't care, it was bliss.

But it was driving me crazy: The trip was about to end, and I hadn't told her how I felt yet... I couldn't bring myself to do it. (keep in mind, the "as a date" incident was mid freshman time, this was end of sophomore time almost a year and a half) but I managed to do it, and so wonderful too. .. ladies this might make your heart melt a bit..

It was a gorgeous summer day and we went to the planned community of Caramel by the Sea, where every house was designed to have an ocean view, and a fairly big beach at the bottom of the hill, leading to the Pacific. she wanted to build a sand castle. I was intrigued, and we took up a few big pieces of driftwood, and made about a 5'-0" "pedastal" to put the sand castle on. When building, I got up the guts to say that I knew that I had very strong feelings for her, and didn't know how to describe them, but I knew that they were strong, and that I wanted to know if she had feelings for me... She said no. I replied quickly with an, "oh, ... well... that's ok" pretty much as I'm holding back tears... but I managed to get over that, and on the ride back, there was no contact.

I showed up to the office, and landed a job over the summer, and worked in the same approx. 10'-0" x 10'-0" office as her. We did quite a bit together over the summer, and saw countless movies together, once again, no contact at all... she was pretty dead set on keeping it as friends.

Each day, my feelings for J just kept growing, they were out of control... but we played Dungeons & Dragons together a bit w/ a mutual friend, and had even more time together. She was leaving for college, though. OK, ... but I had to know why... why why why?! It was torturing me to no end, every night, lying awake, wanting to know, WHY!? why didn't she return my feelings? Two nights before she left, I had to ask her, so after an uncomfortable, "I can take you home" from our mutual friend, and my, "no, I need to talk to J" and a "why" from my -at that time dense- friend... "personal" "fine" J gives me this look like, it's midnight, and you need me to drive you home, don't you? plus, the last time you wanted me to talk, nothing good happened... I told her that I needed to know why she did not have these feelings for me. Was it because I'm overweight? too nerdy? too - - - anything?! her answer, "I don't know, I just know that I don't have feelings for you." ouch!!! well... I pushed just a bit, "really? anything? any little thing?" "no, I don't know." ********question no. 1 for the audience, was she lying, or what, have any girls just not liked a guy and not even given him a chance for no reason at all?*********

That was how it sat, and the year 2001 flew by like that, in January 2001, I went to a band festival, and had almost forgotten about J, trying to get myself to get over her. I looked around the band room, looking for "cute girls" and saw one... I was immediately infatuated, observing how she acted with her friends, and how she spoke, and how she played the oh so sensual alto sax... Which just happened to be J's instrument (no connection there, just a nice aside). and long story short (this little mini-story) I was going to ask her for her number, but was fear-stricken with rejection, and she walked out after the concert, never to be seen again. I guess I have to wait until next January.

Well, J came back for the summer, and took her old job, (I had moved to a different part of the company, and had kept my job in the same building) which is this summer... We've still probably been on more outings than most starting couples... and we are sharing our common interests quite a bit. Nightwish, perhaps my new favorite band, (www.nightwish.com)(opera/heavy rock) is listened to whenever we drive anywhere, and we even do things that would be very romantic, - If it were a date. For instance, today, she came over for our lunch break, and we cooked our own concoction of white rice and cooked chicken breast. (we both love chinese food) Cooking together was wonderful.. and I just got back from her house, where we watched 3 hours of some of her Anime DVDs (Japanimation) sitting right next to each other in the dark, each having our own little blanket to cover up our legs.

Now, technically that's where the story ends, but some info that could help w/ your advice: we have very similar common interests: mentioned: Anime, Anything dealing with Japanese Culture, chinese food, Medieval/Renaissance anything, (we're going to a renaissance fair in a week or two... ooh, J in a tight bodice... :> Dungeons & Dragons, ect.

Please help, Every minute I spend with her, she becomes more beautiful to my eye, and everything she says, more profound to my sense of intelligence. (I'm a nerd here..) but. the one thing we never really do: Talk. I can try and try to start a conversation, but if I get it going, there is always an interruption, or she is tired, and doesn't want to talk... (that was the case tonite) I think I've given all the info. I can....

Should I try to just forget it, and really try to get over her? (which looks impossible) tell her (don't know how I'd do that) or what?! please.... if anything else, tell what you would do in that situation, but keep in mind that J has also never had a serious boyfriend, but she might have feelings for someone else, I'm not sure.. but she hasn't seen him in a long time. She is also very inexperienced in this...