Delusions

It was with regret that she left the house behind her. Not regret for leaving it, she couldn’t stand it anymore. The last three nights had found her sleeping under the stars because she could not sleep in the house. Yesterday she could barely bring herself to go in it. Finally, though, she finally got up the nerve to go in and collect clothing, food, and a few mementos that she couldn’t bear to leave behind. She packed it up in a backpack that had once been her husband’s and hurriedly left the house for a final time. She slept outside, knowing that a night of rest was best for starting to travel. When she awoke she gathered her things and shouldered the pack. She looked back one last time, wished for what could have been, and then walked away.

She traveled along for days, eating food out of her pack, washing in streams, and generally having an easy time of it. She began to feel that this wasn’t the challenge she feared it would be. Her paced slackened to a relaxing stroll, she stopped to study flowers and listen to birds. She stopped early and she stopped late, and occasionally she would spend the day in a place. It was a new beginning, a time for discovery, not only of the world but also of her.

It wasn’t long before she found herself among other people. She resented their intrusion, as if the town was placed here solely to interrupt her solitary travels. She stomped through town until she came across an inn, the only benefit to the intrusion of the surrounding citizens. She entered within and paid for a night’s lodging, choosing to eat in her room. She lay upon the surprisingly clean bed and drifted off into a troubled sleep. It was during a particular grisly part of her nightmare that she awoke, sweating, crying, and afraid.

And there they stood. How had they followed her so far? Why were they here?

“You aren’t taking me back!” she screeched, hysterical with fear. “I am not going back! I can’t go back! I’m so tired! I hate you all! I am not going back! I AM NOT GOING BACK!” She leapt from her bed and tore around the room, her fear driving her in insane circles as she searched for a way out. She knew there was a door here, but it wasn’t. There was no knob, no crack in the wall. There was only them with their accusing eyes. She backed to a corner, and they stepped slowly, and determinedly, forward, until she was cowered in a corner, crying and gibbering. “Go away! Leave me alone!” Tears flew down her cheeks and her nose ran until it dripped on the floor. Her voice took on a defeated, desperate tone and finally she began to just sob.

There was a heavy pounding and she just knew it was him. He was coming to get her, to make her come back. Her head flew up and again she looked desperately, almost beseechingly, for an escape. She began to jibber again, fear driving all ability to speak from her brain. Her eyes lit on a window and triumph brightened her face. She leered at them. She took her first step toward the window and the pounding began again. She jumped in terror and stared at them. They began to move forward again and she took it as a sign. So she ran and she jumped out. She didn’t scream on the way down, she laughed. A laugh that brought pictures of sunny days and joy and love. Finally the pounding became a heavy crack and the door began to give way behind her. The innkeeper and several men rushed in and ran to the window. They saw her there below, blood pooling around her head. They shook their heads and backed up, looking around the rest of the room, as if searching for a reason. There was nothing there but what should be, torn and scattered. The innkeeper shook his head and called for the watch.

It was found later, the cottage she had left behind, by the watch investigator. It was only a day’s ride out. He was sickened and ordered the house to be burned to the ground. As a decency, he had men go in and rearrange the bodies of the man and four children in a dignified manner. Then he set the cottage afire and stood watching, wondering, what it was about this happy looking home that would make a woman kill everyone in it and then commit suicide a day’s ride away.