I'm the only person I know that deserves life instead of death...my life is so obsolete now..:(

This is a long story, but I will shorten it as much as I can. I'm 15, and I've always had some degree of depression. I was in counseling for a while and then I was taken out of school for self-mutilation. I was put in the middle of this rape case...I wasn't raped but my best friend was and I had to testify against the guy, who then threatened to kill me so I was placed under police surveillance and I had armed escorts at school and stuff. My friends were very supportive of me, and so was my boyfriend. So, when all this stuff was over, I was doing fine...then about 3 weeks ago I found out that I am basically dying because my liver and spleen are swelling to the point of rupturing. My body has virtually no immune system because its been fighting off whatever caused my liver and spleen to sweel for a long time, and antibiotics won't help me at all. I have a 50/50 chance to live, and I accepted this, and through some hopeful words, my boyfriend did too. Then, when everyone thought I was fine, they started calling my BF telling him to commit suicide, and telling me the same thing. They fake depression for attention, and they will hurt themselves and blame it on me, and I was in a relationship like that aound 6 months ago where the guy actually went as far as to right me a letter in blood and blame his death on me...consequently, it was the same guy who raped my friend. Anyway, its all starting again, and my health is fading really fast, and now everyone is attacking my boyfriend, who is honestly the only person I love. I know some of you will ask why don't I cut communication with these people, and believe me I've tried, but they will email me, or have other people tell me things, and I can never escape them. My mother knows about all this, but my father is dying and it isn't a good idea to stress him out. My boyfriend is really starting to distance himself from everyone, and his mother has called me numerous times and begged me to save him because I'm the only person he cares about now, but I have no one to save me, and I know I would rather die than to ever hurt someone, and my bf knows that I would end my life to see him smile again, so I don't know what to do anymore. He is the only one who understands me and I won't hurt him anymore in his condition, so I am stuck. The psychiatrists never help me, and Writing, which used to help, has no effect now other than provoking more depression. I can't leave him alone here, but, I don't wanna wake up in this life anymore. I know I will feel better If I can help him, so please, if you have any idea, any idea at all, please tell me. I am stretched to the point of snapping and I have to do something fast, or two lives will be lost. Its so ironic, that my boyfriend and I are so closely linked...He is everything I ever wanted to be, and I used to see all the love in the world shining at me through his eyes, and he says the same about me. We have the same color eyes (sorta blue-grey, that occasionally change colors), and our eyes have literally turned this horrible grey color and It really is scaring me. Both of us have attempted suicide before. All I'm asking is for you to please help me save him, because if I can do that, I will save myself. Thank you very much. I never thought I could feel so alone with all the love I contain for him. Sinister Instinct

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