I Am A Depressed Person Who No One Sees~Forever Angel~

Once again I am sick of life. I give up. My best friend thinks I'm not depressed that I just need to get out more. Well,in life right now I truly have no one. Some people will say I have my family. But,my own family does not even know me. My dad doesn't feel I'm depressed and won't do anything about it. I don't want to die but I see nothing worth living for. I fail at everything I do. I ruin friendships trying to move to quickly. I fail at relationships. I feel like a loser and a big failure in life. I failed at school. I can't even think about getting a job. I have stopped eating. I don't deserve anything. I have found the guy of my dreams and he is to old for me and he says he can't afford me and doesn't want to date me. But,a few times before said he wanted to marry me. I feel at times he's ashamed to be seen with me. If certain people are around he backs away. Sometimes won't even hug me. I have no friends. Only the one guy. Sometimes I'm lucky I don't scare him away. I'm really afraid of losing him. And,I feel that one day I will. He will find someone alot better than me. I cry alot. Sometimes I make myself cry. I have my ups but I have more downs than ups. I think I'm only happy if I hear from that guy. If I don't hear from him for awhile I feel like my life is over. I hate being a teenager. It sux all the way. I know a girl who is 12 and she is about to turn 13,I told her it sux being a teenager. But,I hope she enjoys it. I only have the rest of this year and next year and I will finally be 20. It sucks being home on the weekends knowing that alot of other teenagers are out there having fun. I wish I could be popular and be able to be more happy. I really hate life right now. I just wish it would change.

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