Courtship vs Dating. Is there a difference?--R1

I'm wondering what the difference is between dating and courtship. I'm also wondering about the certain advantages courtship claims to have.

What I'm gonna do is just throw up some claims of courtship and then ask how that is different or better or safer than dating.

A pro courtship site claims http://polynate.net/books/courtship/part1.html

1."In overview, courting should only happen once and ends in a life-long covenant relationship. Dating happens lots of times, and ends in many hurts, heartbreaks, scars, and if you're lucky, a partner that just may stay with you for the next few years, or (if you're really lucky) the rest of your life."

Ok courtship only happens once. Dating happens many times and ends in many hurts. Now couldn't courtship end in a deeper hurt. I mean you approach it with the attitude that this is the one for me. Where as dating approaches it with a less commital approach. Now to me I'd be more hurt if I ended something I thought was for real and was gonna last. There is no guarantee it will last just because you decide it will as you begin.

2. "In the modern dating scene you usually hide all your faults to give a false impression about yourself, in order to keep your partner liking you." "Courtship is about open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about marriage -- you court in order to see if there is any reason why you shouldn't get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage."

Ok so you can't hide things when courting? Dating equals total lying and courting equals no lying can ever happen? Courtship actually approves of group activities over one on one activities. Why you ask? So people can see the real you. Isn't it easier to hide in a crowd than in one on one?

There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment? Umm romance is part of love. How the heck can you know not have romance with someone you think is the one?

Courtship site 2-http://www.family.org/spfmag/relationships/a0009828.html

3."believe courtship offers several benefits over dating. First, courtship helps you to get to know the real person instead of the outer facade. How? Courting couples spend lots of time together in group activities, such as ministry and fellowship. In these settings, you get to know the real person as a friend before you move into a deeper relationship."

I still think it's easier to hide in a crowd. Does courtship really have some mystical power that takes the mask off? If someone is gonna act they can do it on a one on one date or in a group activity.

4."Second, the process of courtship prepares you for a lifelong union, not a speedy divorce. Every dating relationship ends in a breakup—except for the one that leads to marriage."

Can't you still be hurt and break up if during the process of courtship you realize this isn't the one? I mean the fact you are in the process means your mind is thinking this could be the one. So if it does end there is still gonna be hurt.

5."Third, courtship promotes oneness with your future mate. The actual courtship begins only after you establish a solid friendship with the other person and feel you truly know his character."

Solid friendship doesn't guarntee no future break up or ceasing of the thing.

6. "When a friendship grows from an acquaintance to intimacy, and you believe he may be a suitable mate for you, begin courting with the understanding that marriage will likely result."

Ok so now we do have intimacy. I'm so confused! I thought we saved that for marriage? Isn't that the pitfall of dating? Being intimate? So don't we court to avoid being intimate? So confusing. Ok and we don't date cuz we can't get hurt and be delluded. But can't having this intimacy and then thinking it will likely result in marriage also lead to dellusions. Just cuz ya think it will most likely end in marriage doesn't mean it will. So confused.

So what is the difference between courtship and dating? Is courtship better? I don't think so. I think it can set people up for more hurts and in the end it doesn't have any more of a guarantee on a relationship not ending than dating does.

R1 aka confused

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