A British tourist in Moscow , wooden nickel

A British tourist in Moscow found himself needing to take a leak something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find anyplace to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Before he could even get unzipped a Moscow police officer showed up. "Hey, what are you doing? "he asked. "I gotta pee, man." "You can't pee here. Look, follow me." The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "whiz away." The British tourist shrugs, turns, unzips, and starts right on the flowers. "Ahhh. Whew. Thanks. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" "No. This is the British Embassy.

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A bum asked a man on the street for $2. "Will you buy booze?;" the man asks, to which the bum replies, "No." "Will you gamble it away?" Once again the bum replies, "No." "Will you make bets at the golf course?" Once again the bum replies "No, I don't play golf." Then the man asks, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf?"

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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

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