MORE FUNNY STUFF!!!!!!

Confused Child in Wedding Party

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, step, step, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

Checkout Conniption

A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to have a conniption, and the mother said quietly, "Now Missy, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long." In the candy aisle, the little girl began to shout for treats. When mom said she couldn't have any, she began to kick her mother and scream. The mother said softly, "There, there, Missy, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."

When they got to the checkout stand, the little brat immediately began to reach for the gum and freaked out when her mom said she couldn't have any. The mother patiently said, "Missy, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a bottle and a nice snooze."

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Missy," he said.

The mother sighed and replied, "Oh, no, my little girl's name is Francine - I'm Missy."

Donations To The Preacher

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor he was going to give him a lot of money when he grew up.

''Well, thank you,'' the pastor replied, ''but why?''

''Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had!''

Krazy Homework Excuses

Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally forgot! My older sister couldn't find her same homework from last year. The dog did it for me, but it was in his language. The paper airplane I made out of it accidentally flew out the window. I fell asleep on it and when I woke up all my drool smudged all the ink. It is here it's just in invisible ink. I'm at school?!? I thought this was an AA meeting. My dad's pen ran out of ink. My Mom ate my homework!

Mom and Dad were trying to console Suzie...

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.";

Susie, still crying, said, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Baptism Is Not for Everyone

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize a cat.