69 Things to do in Wal-Mart !!!!!!!

69 Things to do in Wal-Mart

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. * Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. * Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. * Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in. * Try on bras over top of your clothes. * Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms. * Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, ''I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens. * Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to ''10.'' * Play with the automatic doors. * Walk up to complete strangers and say, ''Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...'' etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. * While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, ''Who BUYS this crap, anyway?'' * Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department. * Put pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually. * Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. *. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. * As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, ''Wow. Magic!'' * Put M&M's on layaway. * Move ''Caution: Wet Floor'' signs to carpeted areas. * Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. * Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. * Nonchalantly ''test'' the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. * Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,''...I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!" * TP as much of the store as possible. * Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. * Play with the calculators so that they all spell ''hello'' upside down. (01134) * When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?" * When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, ''Red Rover!'' * Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. * Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. * Take bets on the battle described above. * Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. Barbie. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect...) * While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible. * While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms. * Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ''Mission: Impossible.' * Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. * Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. * Fill an entire cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them. * Set up a ''Valet Parking'' sign in front of the store. * Two words: ''Marco Polo.' * Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc. * ''Re-alphabetize'' the CDs in Electronics. * In the auto department, practice your ''Madonna'' look with various funnels. * Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like ''the fat man walks alone,'' and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them. * While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying ''How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won.'' Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions. * When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, ''No, no! It's those voices again!'' * Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. * Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. * Get a stuffed animal, go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying ''Good girl, good Bessie." * Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles. * When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. * Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. * Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. * Test the fishing rods and see what you can ''catch'' from the other aisles. * In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with a girl and start flirting with him as ditisily as possible: ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).'' When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).'' * Hold indoor shopping cart races. * Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. * When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially through narrow aisles. * Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. * Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. * Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. * Say things like, ''Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?'' * Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., ''Do you have any Shnerples here?'' * Ride a display bicycle through the store -- claim you're taking it for a ''test drive.'' * Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. * Get boxes of condoms and randomly slip them into peoples' carts when they aren't paying attention