Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen , wooden nickel

Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig. When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate, how are we going to tell who owns which ' Pig?" Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Pig, and ten we can tell them apart." "Ah, dat id be grand," says Paddy.

This worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into the house. "Paddy" he said, "Your Pig has chewed the ear off my Pig. Now we got two pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell who owns which pig.?" "Well Paddy," says Paddy,"I'll cut ta other ear off my pig. Ten we'll ave two pigs and only one of them will avan ear". "Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Again, this worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy again stormed into the house. "Paddy", he said, "Your pig has chewed the other ear offa my pig!!!." "Now, we got two pigs with no fookin ears!!!. How we gonna tell who owns which pig?" "Ah, dis is serious, Paddy" said Paddy. " I'll tell ya what I'll do. I'll cut de tail offa my pig. Den we'll av two pigs with no ears and only one tail." "Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Another couple of weeks went by and..........you guessed it, Paddy stormed into the house once more. "PADDY," shouted Paddy, "YOUR PIG HAS CHEWED THE TAIL OFFA MY PIG, AND NOW WE GOT TWO PIGS WITH NO FOOKIN EARS AND NO TAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. HOW DE FOOK ARE WE GONNA TELL 'EM APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ah, darn it" says Paddy, "how's about you have the black one, and I'll have the white one"

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"Whats the matter, ma'am?" asked the maid, finding her mistress in tears.

"I've just discovered my husband is having a date with his secretary!" she cried.

"Oh, nonsense!" snorted the maid. "You're only saying that to make me jealous!"

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Sven & Ole had been business partners and best friends for years. One morning, halfway to work, Sven realized he'd forgotten his lunch, so he went back home to get it. When he got there, he found that his wife was still in bed, .

He says to her "Vhat's wrong vith you, voman? Vhy you vear no clothes?!?"

She looks at him and says, "I vear no clothes because I haff no clothes to vear!"

He looks at her for a moment and says, "Vhat you mean you haff no clothes to vear? You got plenty of clothes to vear! Look!"

He opens the closet & starts sliding the hangers while counting, "See! Vun dress! Two dress! Three dress! Hello, Ole, . Four dress!"

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