FUNNY STUFF!!!!!!!

10 Signs That A Kid Is A Nerd

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures. 9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games. 8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture. 7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up. 6. Says 'Whom' instead of 'Who.' 5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning. 4. Prefers NPR to any music. 3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about. 2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game. 1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.

A selection of carols for your dysfunctional friends:

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Queens Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and..

PARANOID: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why.

DEPRESSION: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock .......... (better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

The Ten Commandments (In Ebonics) I be God. Don' be dissing me. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play that. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee. Don' dis ya mama ... an if ya know who ya daddy is, don' dis him neither. Don' ice ya bros. Stick to ya own woman. Don' be liftin no goods. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin on ya homies. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin.

What My Mom Taught Me... My Mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My Mom taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My Mom taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."

My Mom taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My Mom taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My Mom taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My Mom taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!"

My Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

My Mom taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

State Slogans Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California: By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, & Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: gurls and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A MOTTO? I Got Yer Motto! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...And Proud Of It