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Date: 4/17/2002 9:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 49101
I don't think you want your daughter to grow up watching him smoke pot and hurt you all the time either... If he cried, GOOD, maybe it is turn for a change. And if he really wants to be with you, HE WILL CHANGE HIS DANGEROUS ATTITUDE. I am so sorry you are going thru this, and I hope everything turns out well for you sweety. *HUGS*  |
Date: 4/17/2002 9:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 45630
You guys need a week by yourselves. No kids, no work and no friends. You have to get out of the house with him and talk about what is wrong with your marriage. Try to be friends again and forget your husband and wife. Remember the joy you gave each other when you were friends.  |
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Date: 4/17/2002 9:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 49689
Well maybe you should seperate for awhile..... You said he was doing the crying bit and you stayed.... Well you did it once now he thinks you will do it all the time..... Just like a little kid that you pick up everytime he cries.... If you leave him for awhile, than maybe he will get the picture that you did it once,why wouldn't you do it again,this time permanently...... Have you tried going to a marriage counselor?? I dunno... You need to let me know what you think, than we can go from there.... *Pyriel*  |
Date: 4/17/2002 9:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 42945
well sweetie, you have to decide what is most important to you and your daughter, that kind of environment is not the way to go for either of you, I dont like seeing families split up but sometimes its better than living like you are...good luck hun...  |
Date: 4/17/2002 9:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 6860
I think you did the right thing by leaving. I know you never meant to hurt him, but he hurts you more than you hurt him. I've been reading your posts about your marriage and he doesn't treat you like you deserve to be treated. You're still young and you have so much ahead of you, you don't need to waste your time with someone who won't change for your sake and your daughter's. You're also right about your daughter, she doesn't need to be subjected to that and the longer you stay, the more damage will be done to her. I know this isn't easy but I think you need to put your foot down. Feel free to message me anytime you wanna talk. Keep me updated on what happens. Good luck hunnie! *hugs*  |
Date: 4/17/2002 9:28:00 PM
From Authorid: 47699
Call and tell him that he hasn't necessarily lost you for good but he has to prove that he can change and that will take some time. If he cleans up his act and keeps it up for at least a couple of months, maybe then you can consider going back. If you do, leave again at the first sign of him reverting back to his old ways. That's just my opinion on the matter. You and your daughter deserve much better than the way he is treating you now. I wish you well.  |
Date: 4/17/2002 9:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 34775
You just have to be strong...the most dangerous thing in the world, is settling for something that does not make you happy...he is not thinking about you...he has not changed...how many scares does one have to go through before they truly get it? I am sure he has been through many...listen, think about yourself...be selfish, as he has been. What makes you think that you don't deserve someone that will respect you and treat you like a queen? I know it seems like thriving on guilt that you might be hurting him is the proper thing to do, but it really isn't...don't take this the wrong way, but he won't cry for long...my ex cried for about 2 weeks...and then, he started to pick himself up again...you deserve better...you know it....your daughter deserves better...you know that too...there are reasons why you feel the way you do...unhappy...taken for granted....you need to leave this behind, as you know this is the only thing that will truly make you happy. Remember, it is the REST of your life...I was sad when I left mine...but in retrospect...it was the best thing in the world...he got to continue the life he wanted as a loser...and I found someone spectacular who I love dearly....don't cheat yourself out of happiness for his tears.  |
Date: 4/17/2002 9:34:00 PM
From Authorid: 15997
I'm sorry you're going through all this. i know it must be hard, especially with a daughter, but u did the right thing by leaving. a man isnt gonna change for anyone. you're right if u do go back to him it will be ok for a while then he'll go back to his old self. he needs help....the kind of help that u obviously cant give him. i know you dont want to hurt him but he's hurting you and his daughter by doing the things he's doing. i'm sure your daughter is more important than some man....so u need to do whats best for her and being in that kind of relationship for her to witness is not healthy. situations like this are always hard but you need to be strong and understand things are not going to change by themselves. its good that u know things arent going to change that easily...its gonna take a lot to make it work. if your relatioship with ur husband is worth saving then i'm sure you'll do whatever it is you have to do...but nothing that any of us say can make u do one thing or another...you know in your heart what you need to do. we are all not a part of ur relationship...i'm sure there are more factors behind all this that we dont understand. just remember no one deserves to put up with things like this especially when there is a child involved....you and your daughter deserve better. i hope everything works out for you...follow your heart always. *HUGS*  |
Date: 4/17/2002 9:41:00 PM
From Authorid: 277
It is better for your child to not be around the fighting all the time. But, you need to stop feeling bad because you think you hurt him. Remember his actions are the reason you left. Maybe he'll get his priorities straight while you guys are apart. If you do agree to go back to him, have him agree to marriage counseling or something. Or have some sort of neutral mediator when you speak to him.  |
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Date: 4/17/2002 9:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 34775
I don't have any kids...I had a step son, who went with his dad when he left...but you won't lose custody...most states automatically make the mother custodial parent...that is how it is in Wisconsin...he is not going to take your daughter anyway...that would be a giant bluff.....he sounds like he shirks responsibility...talk to a lawyer...don't let fear dictate your life....you will be stronger if you don't and people will see that...your strength for you and your daughter... |
Date: 4/17/2002 10:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 9130
You know my feelings about this... i am going to email you, okay?  |
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Date: 4/17/2002 11:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 49689
Well like I said he's like a little kid...He thinks if he does the crying bit,he will get his way.... You need to show him that he's not a little kid and if he wants to act like one,then he won't get his way.... As far as the smoking weed...Maybe the police might be intrested in knowing about that.... *Pyriel* P.S. I know it's tough to turn somebody in for that...I have been through it already...... |
Date: 4/18/2002 12:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 30229
Just think of whether life would be better with him, or without him, and then pray about it, You may find your answer that way. I was in a similar situation when I was married, except my ex wouldnt even work part-time... I have never ONCE regretted my decision to leave, and that was nearly 13 years ago... Another thing to think of, is that Dr.'s will tell you that a child is happier with ONE happy parents than TWO unhappy parents... I pray that you are ok and you find your answers really soon.. I am here if ya need to talk... Love and huge hugggggggs........  |
Date: 4/18/2002 12:28:00 AM
From Authorid: 35042
You've got to keep focused at all times that this is YOUR life and you mustn't live it through the emotional blackmail of someone who clearly doesn't care about you and treats you like crap. You're still young and very pretty and he ought to know that treating you this way WILL drive you away and you'll find someone more deserving of your time and affection. Only you can know the full situation, but never be afraid of a big step, just because it would be different and/or hard at first - the outcome might be worth it. *huge hugs*  |
Date: 4/18/2002 1:38:00 AM
From Authorid: 37900
IMO, your husband is doing just enough to keep you around so he can have everything he wants with minimal commitment. He'll do what he thinks he needs to keep you, whether it's crying or veiled threats of suicide. I suggest that a meaningful relationship with this apparently unstable man will not benefit either of you. If he hasn't changed in three years, why should he ever change? He has no reason to. I suggest marital counseling for both of you. I think he should earn your love and respect again. Expect a higher standard of behavior and see what happens. Stay focused on what you want, because he knows how to get you to back down. I wish you well.  |
Date: 4/18/2002 3:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 33925
Love One Another...this is the time that you need to be strong hon...You have not been happy for a long time...I think you need to ask yourself some very important questions...Are you in love with him? Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking that this is how a marriage is supposed to be? Do YOU want to live like this for the rest of your life? Is it worth it? These are all things you need to think about hon. I think maybe some time away from him will give him some time to think and give YOU the time YOU need! Dont be fooled by the tears..Im sure they are genuine..but look at it this way..they are there because he knows he screwed up..He is not crying for what he has done..He is crying for what he lost..a verbal punching bag. I have been there hon..listen to me on this..If you REALLY want this marriage to work..take some time first..then if you find you want to be with him, tell him councelling first..If he agrees to the councelling you will know that he wants things to work as well..If not..well then its time to move on and make a REAL life for you and your daughter! You are beautiful and Im sure your daughter is as well, and you BOTH deserve better than what you have been given! *hugs*...If you ever need to talk..Im just a click away! xoxo  |
Date: 4/18/2002 5:16:00 AM
From Authorid: 49080
I know how you feel, I am kinda going through the same thing. I don't know what to do either. The only thing that I can think of is to just spend some time apart but let him see your little girl.  |
Date: 4/18/2002 5:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 22852
You did the right thing. It seems to me he is trying to manipulate you with the tears. If he was really sorry for the way he acts toward you he would have stopped it long ago. You and your daughter are the most important things right now. I know it must be hard but he has to learn that you will not tolerate being treated so badly and you don't want your daughter growing up marrying the same type of man. Good Luck and big Big Hugs  |
Date: 4/18/2002 9:41:00 AM
From Authorid: 32763
I didn't read all of the comments so i don't know what all has been said. i did see the comment you made about "his last words were". I am not trying to be rude to you but i have to say that he is just saying things like that to make you feel sorry for him! I have heard it before too. he wants you to feel like it is your fault. hey, he has to blame someone--and from the sounds of it--he is not being man enough to take the blame himself! you are NOT the reason for all the problems!! and nothing will EVER change until you and HIM realize that! until he grows from a BOY to a MAN you all stand no chance! good luck to you and be the strong person that you know deep down inside that you are!!  |
Date: 4/18/2002 1:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 26733
Hi babe. This is type of situation is pretty big and important because it not only would have an impact on your life but your daughter. If he cries obviously he cares for you, even though he may not show it. I think he is taking you for granted. Maybe you guys need some time apart. Either that or set some rules down that he needs to straiten for not only his sake but also your child. Children are the most affect by the fighting and the break ups and such. Except me. When my parents got divorced I knew why they were getting divorced and I knew he deserved it and I was only 5 or 6. I remember that day like it was yesterday, I had fake tears in my eyes – It just showed how much I understood things even when I was younger. My dad also smoked and stayed out with his friends but he never treated my mom bad and when he did he caught hell for it. Once my dad told my mom that he wasn’t paying child support – mom took a bat and cracked his windshield. Mom is a strong person. You need to sit down and talk with your husband, let him know how you feel. Take some time apart, take your daughter and go on a short vacation. Time apart may make him seem what life would be like with out you. Or if you like, take a vacation with just the two of you – someplace romantic where all there is the sky and you. Another idea is give him a choice – Pot and hanging out all the time or you and your daughter. I know how it is – he will be nice just to calm you down and get you back and then when things go back to normal he will go back to normal. Just try talking to him. Let me know how things go, best of luck babe. Love Matt aka  |
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16069 Category:(Discussion) Created:(4/17/2002 9:14:00 PM)