1. You notice some patients playing with a Ouija board in the community room.
2. The afternoon snack is a Twinkie and quart of malt liquor.
3. They have a lecture called, "The Pros and Cons of Assisted Suicide."
4. A class is offered called, "How To Keep The Staff Here From Beating You."
5. Instead of candy, there is a dish of cigarettes on the counter at the nurses' station.
6. You notice that instead of bed pans and portable toilets, the patients are encouraged to use litter boxes.
7. The choices on the breakfast menu are: bacon & eggs, eggs & bacon, eggs & eggs, bacon & bacon
8. The nursing home's slogan is, "A place just like..well, sort of..okay, not really anything like home at all. Get over it!"
9. The music playing in the lobby is Marilyn Manson.
10. While the patients are sleeping, the nurses think it's funny to switch out their glasses. When they wake up and complain, they are told that they're probably just going blind or something.
11. The Alzheimer's patients are led around with dog leashes.
12. Visitors are discouraged.
13. The tables in the dining room are regular height but the chairs are the little tiny ones like they have in kindergartens.
14. Instead of bingo, they have Three Card Monte night. The patients wager with their Social Security checks.
15. You remember seeing photos of a couple of the orderlies on the FBI board at the post office.
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