I took my 4 year old son out one evening for a "guy night".WOODEN NICKEL

I took my 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night".

As we were eating our hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?"

I responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat.

He was quiet for a couple of minutes and I could tell he was in deep thought.

Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever."

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Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 45-foot, downhill putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?"

His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had printed, "I can make this putt." His pals are still trying to collect on the bet; my grandfather is too.

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A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.

"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"

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The medical student was shocked when he received a failing grade in radiology. Approaching the professor, he demanded to know the reason for the grade.

"You know the self X-ray you took?" asked the professor.

"I do." said the student.

"A fine picture," the professor said, "of your lungs, stomach, and liver."

"If it's a fine picture, then why did you give me an F?" asked the student

"I had no choice," said the professor. "You didn't put your heart into it."

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CHURCH BILLBOARDS

** It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin. ** Forbidden fruit creates many jams. ** Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins. ** Parking is for Church patrons only. Violators will be baptized.

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Murphy's Laws

If anything can go wrong ....it will.

~ Anything dropped while working on a car will roll underneath to the exact center.

~ The chances of a piece of bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

~ The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

~ A $200.00 picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.

~ As events transpire as a function of time, tend to move towards a higher state of entropy.

~ The worst or stupidest ideas are always the most popular.

~ In front of every silver lining, is a cloud.

~ Save yourself a lot of worry, don't burn your bridges until you come to them.

~ Simple jobs will always be put off, because there will be time to do them later.

~ Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.

~ The person who pays the least, complains the most.

~ There is no time like the present for postponing what you want to do.

~ The more we complicate the plan, the greater the chance of failure.

~ Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

~ A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and hours are lost.

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An intrepid photographer went to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost which was said to appear only once in a hundred years.

Not wanting to frighten off the ghost, the photographer sat in the dark until midnight when the apparition became visible. The ghost turned out to be friendly and consented to pose for one snapshot. The happy photographer popped a bulb into his camera and took the picture. After dashing into his studio, the photographer developed the negative and groaned. It was underexposed and completely blank.

Moral: The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

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