Some More Random Thoughts...
I always try to count my blessings, but I'm no good at fractions.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
I'm good at multitasking... I can MESS up several things at once!
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full experience of alphabet soup?
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
Laugh alone, and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Just when you think you've won the rat race someone invents a faster rat!
I don't have a big ego... I'm way too cool for that.
My life has an interesting cast, but I can't figure out the plot.
Home is where you can say anything you like, because nobody listens to you anyway!
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The 7 UPs!
1. Wake Up! Decide to have a good day today!
2. Dress Up! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile! A smile is the fastest and most inexpensive way to improve your looks.
3. Shut Up! Learn to listen to what others have to say, and say nice things when you have to say something.
4. Stand Up! Stand up for what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
5. Look Up! Look up to the sky and the sun and the stars and be thankful for the miracle of the world.
6. Reach Up! Reach up for something higher. Raise your standards and improve your life.
7. Lift Up! Lift up your heart and love, lift up your voice and sing, lift up your spirits and smile!
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Bad Day
Ever have one of those really bad days? I mean one of those REALLY BAD days!! When you have a throbbing headache...
You feel like you are stuck in a rut and things can only get worse... You feel like everybody is out to get you... You always get the worst of everything... You feel like you've been hung out to dry....
When even your "good" ideas turn out to be a disaster... Well you don't have to worry about those days ever again!! Because you have been sent
A Lucky Rabbit's Foot!! It will bring you good fortune and good times!!
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Back From The Grave
An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
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SWEET DREAMS I give to you...
an encouraging nudge,
a giggle to share,
a shoulder to lean upon.
I wish for you...
a welcome of hope every morning,
a whisper of joy mid afternoon,
a sunset to inspire before bed.
I pray for you...
a hand to hold,
a warm embrace to remember,
a true love to experience.
May your dreams guide you to success,
Your days be full of friendships and love,
And your life be as fulfilling as you have made mine.
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RISK IT
To laugh is to risk being a fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. To reach out to another is to risk involvement. To express feelings is to risk exposing your true self. To place your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk despair. To try is to risk failure.
The person who risks nothing, Does nothing, Has nothing and is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, But they simply cannot learn, Feel, change, grow, love or live.
Risks must be taken because, The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
"Only a person who risks is free."
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. A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves.
The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies, "Autumn."
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THE CLASSIC GIFT
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, as they had not been dating for long. After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right romantic note, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Sears and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.
Without checking the contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:
Darling, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled, I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love,
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The little sexy housewife was built so well that the TV repairman couldn't concentrate on his work. Whenever she came inside the room, he'd jerk his neck right out of joint to look at her cleavage.
When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . .well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, my husband is a kind, decent man and he has a certain physical weakness, a certain disability, and now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "
The repairman could hardly speak when he said, "Yes; yes!"
"And I've been wanting to do it ever since you came in the door..."
"Yes; yes!"
She continued, "Would you help me move the refrigerator?"
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