Go to Unsolved Mystery Publications Main Index Go to Free account page
Go to frequently asked mystery questions Go to Unsolved Mystery Publications Main Index
Welcome: to Unsolved Mysteries 1 2 3
 
 New Mystery StoryNew Unsolved Mystery UserLogon to Unsolved MysteriesRead Random Mystery StoryChat on Unsolved MysteriesMystery Coffee houseGeneral Mysterious AdviceSerious Mysterious AdviceReplies Wanted on these mystery stories
 




Show Stories by
Newest
Recently Updated
Wanting Replies
Recently Replied to
Discussions&Questions
Site Suggestions
Highest Rated
Most Rated
General Advice

Ancient Beliefs
Angels, God, Spiritual
Animals&Pets
Comedy
Conspiracy Theories
Debates
Dreams
Dream Interpretation
Embarrassing Moments
Entertainment
ESP
General Interest
Ghosts/Apparitions
Hauntings
History
Horror
Household tips
Human Interest
Humor / Jokes
In Recognition of
Lost Friends/Family
Missing Persons
Music
Mysterious Happenings
Mysterious Sounds
Near Death Experience
Ouija Mysteries
Out of Body Experience
Party Line
Philosophy
Poetry
Prayers
Predictions
Psychic Advice
Quotes
Religious / Religions
Reviews
Riddles
Science
Sci-fi
Serious Advice
Strictly Fiction
Unsolved Crimes
UFOs
Urban Legends
USM Events and People
USM Games
In Memory of
Self Help
Search Stories:


Stories By AuthorId:


Google
Web Site   

Bookmark and Share



20 Responses to Telemarketers

  Author:  10722  Category:(Humor) Created:(9/25/2001 7:51:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (1211 times)

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing

You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click here

Scroll all the way down to read replies.

Show all stories by   Author:  10722 ( Click here )

Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 9/25/2001 7:55:00 PM  From Authorid: 42790    My brother is a telemarketer, he could care less if he makes a sale, he gets 10.50 an hour regardless=p  
Date: 9/25/2001 7:57:00 PM  From Authorid: 41847    lol, omg when will the runnyness here stop, i hope never, i love it, King Spawn  
Date: 9/25/2001 8:08:00 PM  From Authorid: 16376    LMAO! those are so funny  
Date: 9/25/2001 8:18:00 PM  From Authorid: 41744    lol these are sooo funny...i used to be a telemarketer.
-WickedhatchetGirl
  
Date: 9/25/2001 8:43:00 PM  From Authorid: 6358    LOL I used to do telemarketing, but I quit because I hated getting yelled at. I'll have to remember these.  
Date: 9/26/2001 9:17:00 PM  From Authorid: 32659    LMAO at all of these! The Scrabble Kid  
Date: 9/27/2001 10:59:00 AM  From Authorid: 43103    this is awesome, lol, rofl! I gotta pass all this on and keep a copy for when my phone rings, rofl
Date: 9/27/2001 11:33:00 AM  From Authorid: 36766    lmao ima hafta try some of these .. I get called every morning @ 80 by some telemarketer .. tomorrow I think I'll hafta get out of bed and answer the phone and say some of these  
Date: 9/30/2001 9:39:00 PM  From Authorid: 13277    i'll have to try some of them, they are funny  
Date: 2/7/2004 1:53:00 PM  From Authorid: 51292    lol these are really cool..thanks for posting this!! LOL 8o)  

Find great Easter stories on Angels Feather
Information Privacy policy and Copyrights

Renasoft is the proud sponsor of the Unsolved Mystery Publications website.
See: www.rensoft.com Personal Site server, Power to build Personal Web Sites and Personal Web Pages
All stories are copyright protected and may not be reproduced in any form, except by specific written authorization

Pages:445 581 1125 536 273 651 1049 760 15 588 954 696 50 1351 1262 381 1172 1058 1321 1468 915 1208 1531 861 1477 509 1067 728 443 303 808 1338 1115 788 259 676 831 844 1274 876 495 1462 987 639 101 1563 1132 863 1054 626 169 1066 901 116 210 1012 1252 501 1545 1134 104 286 764 161 572 230 483 1143 808 1579 271 275 327 1484 773 120 334 29 236 840 1250 1256 1033 1415 631 191 588 1271 1102 667