OK GANG....THIS ONE IS HUGE, BUT I NEED HELP...PAMMIE

Ok some of this is true as some of you know and most is fiction, but I am having trouble coming up with a snappy title and someway to end it...to save my self....any suggestions...just some advice or give me a direction to go, I can write it. Thanks in advance...Huggs, Pammie

Two years ago, I met a man that used the nick name M, on the internet and we became fast friends and that friendship endured for quiet some time. After about 8 months it became more serious and we decided to meet each other to see if we were compatible with each other since we got along so well on the internet. We met for what was suppose to be three days and it turned into 8 of the happiest days of our lives. At the end of that time period, we both had to return home, but had discovered that we didn't want to be without each other, so we made plans for me to move to him in Florida two months later.

It was only a very short period of time after I arrived, that M asked me to marry him. I was the happiest woman alive. I was in love with this man and in love for the first time in my life.

Life was perpetual bliss for a while and then things changed, I wont go into all of that, as that's not the significance of this story. M and I grew apart and the engagement was ended, but we stayed together and agreed to see other people. I will never forget the day he told me he was seeing another woman, I was devastated, but still could not leave due to financial restraints, so I endured. I don't think anything in life ever hurt me as badly as watching M persue a relationship with this other woman. Eventually, I met another man via the internet and we hit it off pretty fast. Way too fast for sensibility. I knew better and have no one to blame but myself for what occurred.

This man, whom I will call Larry, made arrangements to meet me three days after the first time we talked and a whirl wind was created and I was sucked in quickly. He seemed perfect in all ways. He was very giving and attentive. On the fourth day, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I have to admit that I primarily I said yes as an escape route. M had told me several times that his girlfriend was having a real problem with my being there, so I felt in the way. Other than that, I don't believe I would have acted so hastily.

I moved to Larry's house and we began a new life together, but very quickly I became suspicious of many things and had a lot of doubts. So I began to check into my suspicions and slowly discovered that most of what he told me were lies. He would even lie about the smallest things, things that didn’t really matter.

I had learned that he had a current wife in the same area where we lived and then I became suspicious of him even being divorce from his first wife in Tennessee. One day I answered the door to the mailman and had to sign for his divorce petition from his first wife, he was still married, I was right. Then I found out that not only did he have this wife, but he also had the other wife in Florida. I told him that I was leaving and we got into a heated argument which resulted in him going into a fiery temper tantrum and hitting me. He hit so hard and so fast, I never saw it coming. I was stunned, I sat there for a moment and just looked at him and of course, he was sorry and apologetic or hitting me. Swore it would never happen again. Don't they all?

After that episode, I began to fear Larry, but also knew that I could not stay. Not all of the time we were together was bad. There were many times that were good. I remember the night he walked me to the end of a pier in Deerfield Beach, Florida and we danced under the stars. For all the bad, there was still some good in this man and I had grown to love him. But by now, it had gotten to the point to where the bad far outweighed the good and I was scared. You can’t live your life daily doubting every word that comes from your partner’s mouth.

I told Larry that I had to go to my mom's for a couple of months to help her out because my dad had been ill. I am not a condoner of lying and I hate it in me or in anyone else so this was very hard for me to do, but felt it necessary out of my fear for this man. I told Larry on a Thursday and was leaving on Saturday. Wait, I am getting ahead of myself. During all this time with Larry, M and I had kept in contact daily. He was going through inner turmoil trying to decipher his own feelings regarding me. The fact that we talked daily is what kept me sane, I never gave up hope that he and I would work out our lives together.

Right after I had told M that Larry had hit me, he called me and asked me if I loved Larry and I told him no. He then said, “I am still in love with you, will you come back and let's us work it out together?” Elated, I said, "yes!"

After I told Larry I was leaving he started crying and crying, but I felt safe in him thinking I was still going to my mother’s. I have no doubt what he would have done, had he known the truth.

Larry had heart problems, this I know for a fact. Right after I left, he started emailing me to tell me he had to go to the hospital for a serious open heart surgery and that the doctor was only giving him a 35% chance to live. No sooner, had I read that email, than I got one from his Florida wife, telling me he was lying and that he wasn’t in the hospital at all, that he was just trying to make me feel bad for leaving him. He wanted me to suffer from guilt forever for leaving. He in fact, wanted to get over me by perpetuating his own death. For a while I was in agreement to go along with this ploy, anything to put an end to this nightmare. This is when the real nightmare began.

I called the hospital to be sure he wasn’t there and he wasn't and I wasn't surprised knowing his history of lies and manipulation. I emailed him directly and told him he was lying and he continued with the farce. Larry is the type that can even make you doubt your own sanity and make you question if you're right or wrong regardless of what you know to be the absolute truth.

I continued to get his emails and with each one he went down and down, confessing his great love for me and telling me he didn't blame me for his condition, etc. He even went so far as to tell me he had a visit from an angel that told he would die and that he needed to get everything in his life in order. He also told me that he had made arrangements with the hospital that only I could have his body released for burial and only I could claim his personal effects. I kept telling him he was crazy and to stop lying to me and even so, he swore he was in the hospital and his wife was backing his stoy up to the hilt.

His wife told me that he had to do this as his way of saying goodbye to me and to put it all to rest. I told her they are both insane, but she begged me to go along with the farce for his sake and for hers so they could start over. Now you have to understand I am soft and compassionate to a fault so I agreed..anything to put an end to all of this once and for all. To give you a vivid idea of what I was living through, here is an email I received :

Email from his Florida Wife: I have told you that he is not in the hospital... he wants to end his relationship verbally with you as being dead...though he does love you.... and wants to get you out of his system... his way.... I apologize for what he is doing... maybe it will help him in the end.. will have to talk to the psychologist on this one... I don't know. If I were you...maybe I wouldn't answer the phone this morning when it rings.... just let me do it by email..... please... this would be much easier on me.. I don't know about you!!! You know how I hate to lie....

That's right, you understand correctly, he wants me to think he is dead and that it’s my fault so I will suffer from now on!!!!!!!!!!

Now this was another email I received from her: I'm sitting here at this laptop trying to type. I tried calling several times but no one is answering. Larry didn't make it through surgery this morning. This is very hard for me...so bear with me... He went into surgery about 7 this morning. They told me sometime after 10 this morning that he was dead. They lost him on the operating table... His heart stopped. ..Oh Pam, I can't believe he's gone.... But he is... please contact me... I need to know that you received this message.... This is so hard on me... I called his mom, my family, will call others after I get home sometime this afternoon..... Oh Pam... I'm all alone here... This is like a bad nightmare........ please help me.....

At this point, I became somewhat worried and had a fraction of a doubt that maybe, just maybe he had really died. As I said they are both psychotic, so knowing the real truth was difficult. I even conceived of the idea that maybe she had harmed him in someway and was covering for herself with this farce. That she had concocted the whole story herself.

Now remember Larry waS NOT in the hospital and did NOT have any kind of surgery at all...this is all a farce. It takes some pretty sick minds to perpetuate a farce of this magnitude, but they did. I have to remove myself from it all mentally and look on it as some kind of play. I had to, my mind could’nt conceive of all of it or comprehend.

When I left Larry, I did go back to M and had great hopes a expectations for the realtionship, only they weren't to be either. After I had been there almost a week,he once again asked me to marry him and I said yes...of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been a long hard road from start to finish.

There is more to this story unfortunately. I suppose the saying, "You can't ever go back", must have some significance. As I said, I did return to M, but even from the first night, things weren't as they should have been. I thought he would be excited to see me, but it took him 5 minutes to even acknowledge my presence in the house. There had been problems for M and I when I was there before and it seemed as though nothing had change. He never had time for me, everything else in his life was always more important than I was.

I was on the verge of taking my story to the police because I felt sure that Larry was in danger, but I went back on the computer and discovered an email from the Florida wife and she told me that she was sorry that she put me through all that she had, and that what had started as a farce by his deisgn, had now become reality in that that Larry had really died in surgery and that she needed me to come and have the body released so she could have him buried. My mind went into a frenzy of what to do's. I jotted a note for M and grabbed my purse and drove back to the west coast of Florida. I had turned a 4 hour trip into a 3 hour trip and was exhausted as I parked my car in the parking grage at the hospital. I wearily pulled myself from my car and headed for the eleavator. As I reached the elevator, I heard footsteps approaching, but being it is a busy hospital, I didn’t pay much attention and just as I entered the elevator, someone grabbed me from behind and placed a rag over my mouth. I dont remember anything after that until I awakened in a dingy room. My eyes had be blind folded and I couldn’t see anything, but could feel the rock of the bed which had me preplexed. I could also hear voices coming from some other part of the room. I was terrified and was trying to calculate what exactly had happended and what my options were.

Then I felt a hand caressing my breast and Larry whispered, "You thought it was going to be so easy to get away from me, but you were wrong. Our love is for life and you will never be free of me, no more than I can be free of you!" My heart was pounding so loudly, I could barely make out what he was saying. I had known I was dealing with two psychotic minds, but that knowledge had not really sunk in until now. It had always been in the back of mind, but this is stuff that happens to other people, not to me. Then I heard his wife, who I will call Ronnie, as she said, "Larry, you dont need her, I am your wife and I can give you all that you will ever need, let's just get rid of her and then you can truly be over her once and for all.” Larry said, "Shutup b****! You know that she is the one true love in my life! I made that clear to you from the beginning, from the first moment I met her and if you so much as dare utter her name, I will kill you!!!! Now shut up and let me think!!!" What made Ronnie so loyal to Larry is beyond my coprehension, but she was and I knew that she would do anything that he asked of her. I heard Ronnie whimper, but she stopped talking and I knew I was safe for the moment. I had to think fast, I knew my life was at stake and that Larry was truly insane. Although my eyes were blindfolded, and my hands and feet were bound, my mouth was free and I whispered to him, "Larry, why are you doing this to me, you know how much I love you." He became infuriated and slapped me and said no more lies, yes, you proved how much you love me, by leaving!!! He stalked off and I could hear him pacing and muttering. The terror was like bile, rising in my throat, choking me. I have severe panic disorder and I knew an attack was on the verge and I couldn't breathe. I asked Larry to get one of my pills from my purse and he immediately became the old Larry and grabbed a pill and held me in his arms, saying "Baby it's all ok, I have you, nothing can hurt you." and he rocked me back and forth. It was then that I had a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe I would be able to escape. If I could win Larry's trust, I could devise a way to escape and I also knew that if I didnt contact M soon, he would become worried and start checking and searching for me. I told him that the blind fold was panicking me and asked if he would please remove it. He did gently and tenderly, saying how sorry he was that he had scared me, all the while still rocking me like a baby. The look in his eyes was blank and vacant, As if he had just checked out of life and there was no reality left inside. I knew I was seeing true insanity. The only other time I could ever remember seeing that look, was in Charles Mansons eyes and we all know what he was capable of. At leaset I could now see and as I looked around, it dawned on me that we were on some kind of a boat.

As Larry continued to rock me, for a few moments it was if we were back in time and everything was ok, but I knew I couldnt let myself slip into false contentment, I knew I had to stay aware and keep my wits about me if I were to survive.

I could see that it had grown dark outside and I was feeling very tired. I told Larry that I was really tired and wanted to sleep. He said, "Sure baby, and pulled me down on the bed and wrapped his arms around me and kept rocking me." I asked if he would untie my arms so that I could hold him back and he immediatelt reverted back to the fearsom Larry and said, "You think I dont know what you're up too, not again, you fooled me once, but it wont happen again!" and he again slapped me. I could still hear Ronnie whimpering in her chair and she whispered, "Larry we can't stay here, they will find us. Just turn her loose and let's you and me just go away." This really infuriated him and he grabbed her hair and snatched her out of the chair and hit her with his fist and knocked her to the floor. Then he relentlessly kicked her over and over. I was sure he was going to kill her. He stopped and I could see her lying there, with blood running from her ears and nose. I truly though she was dead, but then she whimpered and drew herself up into a fetal position, so I knew she was still alive.

Now I dont care about this woman, but she is still a human and did warrant some concern from me based on that fact and I also knew that she wanted me gone as much as I wanted to be gone so maybe, just maybe I could use her as an ali. I would just have to figure out someway to talk to her without Larry being able to hear.

Eventually I fell asleep while Larry continued to pace the floor and Ronnie continued to whimper. When I awoke the next morning, I was confused and unsure of where I was and then reality once again slipped in and consumed my mind. I looked around and could see that Ronnie had fallen asleep in a chair and I could feel Larry beside me, with his arm slung over my hip. I laid there for a few minutes contemplating the situation and felt sure that out there somewhere M was trying to find me. I nudged Larry and he opened his eyes, smiled at me, and said, Good morning seetheart. I told him that I would not try anything, but that he had to loosen my arms, that I was in great pain from having laid on them all night long and that I was afraid that all cirulation had been cut off as I could no longer feel my fingers. Still dazed in sleep, he reached behind me and untied my binds and then spent a while rubbing my arms. Even now, he had the ability to lure me into a false sense of security. It was a constant struggle to dissassociate myself from what was a false sense of security and hang on to what was really happening. I held Larry close, trying to regain his trust of me. I stroked and whispered words of love. He gradually began to relent. The Ronnie awakened and said, Hey you snake, I though you loved me!" With that Larry jumped up and stalked across the room, yanked open a drawer and withdrew a knife. He walked up behind Ronnie, grabbed her hair and said, I told you for the last time to shut up! With that, he pulled the knife across her throat. As I laid there, watching the blood flow from the wound, I knew my chance at an ali, was slipping away and I was helpless to do anything about it. I will never forget the sounds, she stared at me and I could hear her gurggle as she tried to speak. She lifted one hand in my direction and fell over dead.

I shuddered as a surge of terror ripped through me and I began to scream at Larry. He quickly ran over to me and grabbed me. He told me to calm down and told me that she had always been a problem for us, but not anymore.

I laid there shaking in terror trying my best to regain what threads of sanity I had left. Terror of this magnitude is very complex. There is a fine edge to that drop off point into insantiy with no return and I was grasping for threads. I was sure it was just a matter of time before I joined Ronnie. Larry didn’t bother to remove her, he just left her lying on the chair. I suppose as a reminder. The only thing that I had on my side was this insane love that Larry still held for me and I knew it was fragile and that I would have to be very careful not to provoke him.

Larry told me that he was going to run out to get us some breakfast and for a brief moment, I was eleated and then he retied my arms and gagged me. As he gagged me, I was begging him not to because of the panic disorder. Crying, I begged him not to leave me like that, not alone. He shook me and with tears in his eyes, he said he had no choice and he would hurry back. That I had nothing to be afraid of, he would be right back.

I laid there watching Ronnie's empty eyes while he was gone, wondering, trying to decifer what it takes to make a person that loyal to someone, regardless of all circumstances. She had paid the ultimate price for her love of Larry. I will always wonder what it was she had to try to say to me at the end.

In a matter of minutes, he was back with breakfast and as I looked at it, I could again feel the bile rising in my throat once again, but I also knew that to continue the pretense, I would have to eat. It was imperative to my survival that I convince him that I still loved him and I had to evoke in him a sense of well being. I also knew it was important to maintain my own strength for whatever lay ahead.

After we had eaten, I could sense Larrys aggitation returning, so to devert it, I asked him if he remembered the night we danced on the pier under the stars. With this, warmth returned to his eyes and he quietened down and began to talk to me. He would talk about sweet, enduring moments that we had never experienced, but in his mind they were real. I just played along with him. The he started talking about how neither of us belonged in this evil world and that it would be best if we left it together. Again I felt the surge of terror and tears began to flow from my eyes. He looked at me and said, "Aw hunnie, it wont be so bad, I will take care of you and then myself and it will be painless, I wont let you suffer any pain..it will be quick." With that, I guess I went over that edge and began to scream and scream, beating at him. He grabbed me and held me firmly, closing his mouth over mine to smoother my screams. Everything went black.

I don'know how much time past before I woke up, but when I did, Ronnie''s body had been removed and all traces of blood had been cleared. It was as if she had never existed at all. Life is precious, and it is amazing how quickly it can be ended, but she had choosen to pursue this maddness and take part in it, but to love someone so blindly and trustingly, is not conceivable to me. That you're willing to withstand all things to possess the one that you want and need. If she were truly insane, and I believe she was, I guess she is free now.

What I didn't know was that while I spent time in total terror, M was frantically trying to find me. He had contacted the local authorities in the city where the hospital was located and they had launched an all out search for me. Upon speaking with several witnesses that had seen Larry take me from the parking garage, they were able to determine that I had been kidnapped by Larry, but still had no clue of my location. M was frantic in his concern and fear for me.

As I awakened, Larry sat down on the bed beside me and told me he had reconsidered what he had told me earlier. He said he couldn't stand to see me so afraid. He said, "Baby I know how afraid you have been in your past, and I am sorry, I wont scare you like that again." This rollercoaster was driving me mad. I didn't know what to expect from minute to minute. One minute he would be the old Larry filled with love and warmth and the next, he would be the sightless Larry, with blank eyes and no soul.



Please please beware on the internet. The Internet can be a stalking ground for many unstable people and they constantly seek their lair. If you do decide to meet someone, please know them well.

well some of it, made life hell..but is better now.

Show all stories by   Author:  29928 ( Click here )