The REAL Difference Between Men and Women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few night later he asks her out to dinner, and again the enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one is seeing anyone else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says aloud, " Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly 6 months?" And there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, i wonder if it bothers him that I said that. MAybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesnt want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh six months. And elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward...I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to see each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am i ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was... lets see... Febuary when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...let me check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. MAybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, mor commitment, amybe he has sensed, even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet thats it. Thats why he's so reluctant to say anyhting about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, its still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing is shifting liek a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent theives $600. And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. I fell so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say its only a 90-day warranty...scum balls. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fanatsy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their... " Roger," Elaine says aloud. " What?" says Roger, startled. " Please don't torture yourself liek this," she says , her eyes beginning to brim with tears. " Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so...( She breaks down sobbing)" " What?" Says Roger. " I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs, " I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. there's no knight and no horse." " There's no horse?" say Roger. " You think I'm a fool don't you?" Elaine asks, " NO!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. " It's just...it's that I...I need some time," Elaine syas. There is a 15- second pause while Roger, thinking as gast as he can, tries to come up with a safe respense. Finally come up with one that he thinks might work, " Yes," he says. " Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand," Oh Roger, do you really geel that way?" " What way?" " That way about time?" " Oh," says Roger, " Yes." Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to necome very nervous about what she might say next, exspecially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks. " Thank you Roger." " Thank you," he replies. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tirtures soul, weeps until dawn. When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV and immediatly becomes deeply involved in the rerun of tennis match btween tow Czezhoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that somthing major was going on in that car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures its better if he doesnt think about it. The next day Elaine will call her closetst friens or perhaps two and the will talk about this situation for 6 staright hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said. Going over every time and time again, exploring every posibal ramification. They wi;ll continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definate conclusions, but never getting bored with it either. Meanwhile Roger , while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend on his and Wlaine's, will pause just befor serving, frown, and say," Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?" And that's the difference between mean and women.

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