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I'm So Depressed Right Now I Could Kill Myself....By Jedi

  Author:  1574  Category:(Depression) Created:(3/27/2001 11:05:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (1335 times)

I'm so depressed I could kill myself. I recently got word of something that just totally turned my life upside down. I'm tellin' ya I'm not doing good here. I'm not thinking happy thoughts.

I think it's all over from here on. I just can't live anymore. I just can't find the drive to keep going. I've talked to Kathy and she just keeps saying.." Jedi you'll be ok" well...I'M NOT OK...OK?

If you would have gone through what I'm going through now...You'd kill yourself too. Really. Let me start at the begining....

I recently Found this clam, at the beach, I named him Henry. He was such a good clam. Always quiet, never bothered anyone...he just sat there...in my pocket. I told him my deepest darkest secrets..he knew them all. He was more than just a PAL, he was my closest confidant.

Well my pager goes off yesterday...it's a 911 page. First thing through my mind was..."it's henry" So I rushed to the phone, and called my mom who was babysitting Henry for me. she said, " hey your clam died!" WHAT DO YOU MEAN MOM? I cried, she said " I had him on the counter and your father came home and ate him"

Needless to say I was not happy. I lost a great friend, even though I've only known him for 18 hours.

But that's not why I want to kill myself. My pain is much, much deeper than that. I would never kill myself over a freakin' clam!

I...I...I just can't even bring myself to say it...I can't it's too hard for me to even sit her and type it.....It's all over now...I don't know what I'm gonna do....How can I go on living? How?...can anyone tell me?...HUh? Can anyone tell me why we have been fooled since we were kids? huh? WHY?!!! BIG BIRD WILL ALWAYS BE REAL TO ME!!! ALWAYS!!! AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT!!! NOTHING!!! I will never beleive that BIG BIRD is actually a man in a BIG BIRD costume!......ARRRGH! GOOD BYE CRUEL WORLD!!

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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .







 
Replies:      
Date: 3/27/2001 11:07:00 PM  From Authorid: 8179    Jedi,, poor Jedi I have a inckling that u will be ok, No for real u will be ok!! I just know it!! ((Hugs))
  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:08:00 PM  From Authorid: 4887    Huh??? LOL  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:08:00 PM  From Authorid: 14572    Poor Sweet sweet Jedi....You'll be ok... I promise...And remember what I told you...Keep it fresh in your mind..Repeat it over nad over to your self until you start to believe it....That is the best advice I have ever given to anyone!! Just close your eyes, stand straight, and click the heels of your ruby red slippers, and chant.......there is no place like home...There is no place like home....You'll be fine....  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:12:00 PM  From Authorid: 277    Jedi, don't do it. Just take another toke of the same stuff you took about an hour ago. It gets better. Big bird is real, the clam is real, the only thing that isn't real is what you are feeling right now. We all understand, the clam is in a much better place right now. It will never forget what you meant to him. You were the one who set him free from the hard life in the sea. You were the one who gave him...wait a minute. If it wasn't for you he would still be alive. You are a killer, you do not deserve to live. You are no better than the manendez kids, burn in Hell Jedi....
  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:13:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 1574    [email protected]!!!...lol...lol..lol  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:16:00 PM  From Authorid: 27678    How cute!!! LOLOLOLOLOL Free Girl  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:24:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    ...your father is a horrid man! Did he not even consider your feelings about Henry? Did only one clam fulfil his hunger for seafood? My most profound sympathies go out to you Jedi! Did you ever find another clam that could take Henry's place in your heart?  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:26:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 1574    no one can take Henry's place..  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:26:00 PM  From Authorid: 14572    ROTFLMAO@HAWK...... Are ya tryin to push him over the edge here Hawk? lol... Ok baby, I need to be completely honest with you right now...I feel this is the time and place...Remember how I told you I went a bought a Big Bird for Easter Dinner today? Guess where I bought him? .......I bought him on Seasame St..   
Date: 3/27/2001 11:43:00 PM  From Authorid: 21867    Yo Jedi,
Hey man...make some room on that noose for me...Big Bird has to be real dude...if not, I don't want to go on living in this fake infested world, with its cutesy little lies and its 'there there it'll be alright kiddies'. I mean dude...first I had to deal with the Tooth Fairy thing...it was really my Dad in a tutu bringing me $1 for a tooth...okay, maybe it was more seeing my Dad in a tutu that wigged me out - whatever. And then there was Father Christmas...it was also just my Dad in a costume! Then the Easter Bunny...well, that wasn't my Dad, it was my sister - but where is the justice ?!? Where is the truth ?!? Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing ?!? Can't take it anymore either...so make room dude, I'm coming with ya. Peace, AGENT SMITH
  
Date: 3/27/2001 11:44:00 PM  From Authorid: 9130    Neat-o...you're gonna kill yourself? Can I watch? I ain't never seen nobody die before.  
Date: 3/28/2001 1:07:00 AM  From Authorid: 17014    You are just too much.......fun Jedi!!!   
Date: 3/28/2001 1:08:00 AM  From Authorid: 177    Go see your doctor. There are some really good antidepressents out there now. Hey, they work for me. I went into serious depression, for seven years after the break-up of my first marriage. I've been takin zoloft or paxil for the past four years...and the meds have really lifted the clouds. Now march your self off to the doctor....RIGHT NOW!  
Date: 3/28/2001 1:31:00 AM  From Authorid: 27845    *Just breathe* ~«*¤YourDestiny¤*»  
Date: 3/28/2001 3:20:00 AM  From Authorid: 5061    Jedi,just think,of the joyful delight,your father felt,when he put that tasty little morsel in his mouth.And this thought alone, should make you feel better.lol.jedi,you are a clam.see ya,  
Date: 3/28/2001 3:44:00 AM  From Authorid: 30229    Thanks Jedi, and the rest of you for making my morning start off with a SMILE Have a great day ALLLLLLL ***Gail***  
Date: 3/28/2001 4:05:00 AM  From Authorid: 5484    I LIKE ANIMAL OF THE MUPPETS  
Date: 3/28/2001 6:07:00 AM  From Authorid: 28206    Jedi that was a classic,and to think I once felt sympathy for ya at the beginning. I like your creativity, people need that character trait to keep their sanity, remember that.
Date: 3/28/2001 6:23:00 AM  From Authorid: 15895    I read this because the title was so un-Jedi-ish. I was right, great post that exemplifies the stupidity of suicide.  
Date: 3/28/2001 7:05:00 AM  From Authorid: 5082    I cannot belive you !!
people like you make me so mad
why dont you think about the victims of suicide
why dont you?
there are people out there (myself include)
that have lost loved ones to this awfull
thing. i lost my brother not even 3 years ago
its not a joke for cryin out loud you must be young, and if your not you should be ashamed of
yourself.you try having nightmares every night
not being able to sleep having to go to counseling
and it doent help being told its just a story
and no one wants to comfort you!!
PLease this just isnt for me its for all the surviors who have lost loved ones and friends
be a little more caring, i beg of you.....
  
Date: 3/28/2001 7:26:00 AM  From Authorid: 3125    I don't mean to add to your misery but honey I have to tell you some more bad news..Santa Claus,the man in the red suit that always brings those presents that puts your parents in debt for the following year,well he isn't real either..You know that cute little thing called the Easter Bunny,well he isn't real..And that tooth fairy that gave you all that money under your pillow..I hate to tell you this but she isn't real either.. Now..Go have yourself a good cry and after you do..Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we shall die..if ya know what I mean.. Sincerely Rusure  
Date: 3/28/2001 12:54:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 1574    I got this for author only reply and I thought I'd share it with everyone.... Date: 3/27/2001 11:41:00 PM ( For Author Only ) UH, HOW OLD ARE YOU AGAIN? THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!!! YOU MUST BE ONE OF THOSE KIDS WITH NO FRIENDS AND NO LIFE. GET OVER IT WIMP!! I WOULD'VE EATEN IT TOO. CLAMS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PETS,duh!!!!  
Date: 3/28/2001 12:57:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 1574    This is another for author reply I thought I'd share with everyone..... Date: 3/28/2001 5:04:00 AM ( For Author Only ) From Authorid: 18155 You never cease to amaze me with your situations but I think things will work out for the best. Take two asprins and call me in the morning.  
Date: 3/28/2001 1:06:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 1574    Author 5082 Foxybabe, I was 12 years old when I walked into my uncles house in new jersey when I found he had killed himself and his family...there were 6 all together. I've never spoken about it until now, and I don't want to talk about it, but the point I want to make here is that I do know what it's like to loose someone you love to suicide. I feel I've done nothing wrong with my post. If I have upset you in any way then I am very sorry, but I will not stop living, and refuse to have a tragedy in my life censor or dictate to me what I should or shouldn't do. I find the humor in things, sometimes it's sick, sometimes it's not. All in all this is how I deal with things and this ia who I am. For future referrence, remember that if my posts do not deal with the USM convention, then rest assure that it will be fiction. Again, I'm sorry if I have upset you that was not my intention.  
Date: 3/28/2001 1:15:00 PM  From Authorid: 16845    LMAO!!!! Oh Jedi. lol, oh man your always good for a laugh. And don't worry *Pats Jedi on the back* I'm sure henry has gone to a better place, and I'm sure.....lol....That your dad was quick in eating him so he didn't suffer....and Big bird.....well he just scares me...come to think of it I think you've stumbled accross something there.....He's got to be real, how they taught him to talk I don't know, But he's got to be real, think of the voice by george..... I DO BELIEVE IN BIG BIRD!!!!! (even if he does scare me, lol)  
Date: 3/28/2001 1:27:00 PM  From Authorid: 25390    Jedi....what are you smoking and can I have some???? PLEASE????? Oh and if you kill yourself, can I watch?? That would really make my day. I'll tell Big Bird you said hello. But Miss Piggy seems to get jealous when I do. I think she's after me. OH GOD!!! She's coming after me!!1 AHHHHH!!! Get that snout out of my way!!!!! Hey can I borrow that knife??? Thanks!! =Odd=  
Date: 3/28/2001 2:06:00 PM  From Authorid: 177    Jedi...Buddha loves you!  
Date: 3/28/2001 5:10:00 PM  From Authorid: 20497    Ok, I was freaked at first, then I was pi**##, THEN I actually, thought, this was cute!!!.....LOL....LOL....LOL  
Date: 3/28/2001 5:17:00 PM  From Authorid: 1631    Mmmm....Clam chowder! ...  
Date: 3/28/2001 9:12:00 PM  From Authorid: 7341    Jedi...ya gave me a scare...and then I was like..."Nahhh...you know Jedi...he wouldn't do anything silly like that..." Glad to see it was just you making me laugh...hehe...my condolences to you for the loss of your dearest clam...there will be others hon...so get used to it...  
Date: 3/29/2001 1:16:00 AM  From Authorid: 177    Have you thought about possibly contacting your late clammy friend through a seance? Be sure that the circle includes a fishermans's wife, a sailor, a half dead fishmonger, two Franciscan priests and a psychic of the piscean persuasian. The state of your beloved friend Henry will be soon known. A certain degree of watery interpretation must be expected.  
Date: 3/30/2001 9:27:00 PM  From Authorid: 5082    I think your all sick that thought this was cute,
i hope to high heaven that suicide never happens
to anyone close to you loved ones or friends
because then you would see what im talking about
its not a joke i say again it isnt......
  
Date: 4/3/2001 12:55:00 AM  From Authorid: 3321    Look, Foxybabe, I have story pretty close to Jedi's. I have had 2 cose people kill themselves, and it isn't a nice feeling. But there is a certain humor to life, and I laughed at this. Sorry that you're missing out.  
Date: 4/3/2001 5:39:00 AM  From Authorid: 5082    I will keep saying this you are sick...  
Date: 4/3/2001 8:13:00 AM  From Authorid: 3321    Whatever.....you just have no sense of humor.  
Date: 4/4/2001 6:31:00 AM  From Authorid: 5082    UMMMM how can you have humor to suicide?
i think people ought to take a good look at themselves if they see any kind of humor in it.
I dont find not being able to see my brother again
on earth anyway(and yes i know hes in Heaven)
humorous!!
yes i do have humor at the right times and i know
when to have itto, this defintely isnt the right
time...
  
Date: 4/6/2001 2:13:00 AM  From Authorid: 21435    Hmmmm. Hang tight little buckaroo. It's a fact we've all had to face. BBBBB Bird Bird Bird, yeah the Bird is the word.DaDaDaDaDaDaDa. Cut it out Jedi, you're killing me. lol..Write on...Kronk  
Date: 4/6/2001 6:38:00 AM  From Authorid: 5082    21435, if youve havent experienced it you havent
lived it i beg to differ with you.
and a friends suicide isnt good but when its a
family member thats close to you like a brother
or sister it is different....
  
Date: 5/1/2001 10:37:00 PM  From Authorid: 12862    Noooooooo Jedi, don't do that!!! You will be ok.
Honest! Just take deep breaths and relax. Time
will pass and you will go on, maybe search for
another clammy. Yes, Big Bird is real!!! I believe
to. Love,
  

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