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Date: 3/27/2001 11:37:00 AM
From Authorid: 27046
I think the anger is going to eat you apart eventually. You don't have to have her in your life but say your peace for your own sake, to yourself and put it behind you...... ........Azairyia  |
Date: 3/27/2001 11:37:00 AM
From Authorid: 23991
you didn't do the wrong thing. it was her daughter. she's supposed to be there to say good bye, especially if she has the opportunity. i didn't get to say goodbye when my sister died, and there isn't one day that i don't wish i would have. i just wonder how she feels about it now. if she shows remorse, then yeah, maybe you should forgive her, but if she doens't, then i don't know.  |
Date: 3/27/2001 11:46:00 AM
From Authorid: 8555
I understand where your coming from, you grandmother SHOULD have been there. Nothing was more important at that moment.  |
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Date: 3/27/2001 12:00:00 PM
From Authorid: 16916
You have the right to greive and be upset with her..the time will come when you will forgive isnt the right word but be civil with her and maybe someday forgive her..your not a bad person HUGS and SMILES I am very sorry for your loss God Bless  |
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Date: 3/27/2001 12:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 30747
Diana, so very sorry about your loss. Your mom must of been a wonderful women. Your grandma on the other hand...I don't want to say anything negative. If I were in your situation I would probubly wrack my brain trying to understand why grandma was like that and go crazy in the process. But maybe I would take solance in the fact that your mom is in a place now where SHE understands and that is what really counts here. I hope you find peace in all of this...good luck. Aunt Be  |
| Date: 3/27/2001 12:35:00 PM From Authorid: 27500 My grandmother went to her grave trying to hurt my family. I never forgave her and I don't think either one of my personalitites are bad people. Grey Soul |
Date: 3/27/2001 12:45:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21376
Thank you all, for your heart warmed replies,I forgot to mention what she did to us at mom's funeral,We all got there, Dad,sister,brothers and I about 45 minutes early to say our goodbyes in private, We were outside in the waiting room, waiting to be allowed in to say our goodbyes, when my dad hears my grandmother argueing with the director,We were listening out side the door when we heard someone inside with my grandmother praying over my Mom.Dad and I walked inside the room and there was grandma's preacher saying private prayers over my mom.We requested only mom's clergyman as per her request,and told her this. So my grandmother takes it apon herself without telling us she was haveing her own ,I went over to her and asked why weren't we told about this private prayer session!She told me she understood Mom wouldn't have liked it! I said no she wouldn't have and guess what She is right there!We had all agreed on a closed coffin, she was argueing and with, and made the funeral director open the casket!For her private prayers.I am sorry but this has been bothering me for months and I still am upset, as well as the rest of the family... But thank you I feel so much better getting it off my chest.  |
Date: 3/27/2001 12:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 17340
Go with your feelings, that was pretty cold.  |
Date: 3/27/2001 12:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 9419
Your grandma should have been there...i dont blame u for feeling the way that you do  |
Date: 3/27/2001 1:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 27777
I understand you completely. I was the same way when my g-ma died and my aunt held her hand and told her it was ok that she needed to go or I believe my g-ma would still be here today. But I have forgiven her because she is awesome but in your case its different because thats ur grandma not even there when her daughter died! How sad! Luv Alyssa and God Bless  |
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Date: 3/27/2001 1:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 27777
I understand you completely. I was the same way when my g-ma died and my aunt held her hand and told her it was ok that she needed to go or I believe my g-ma would still be here today. But I have forgiven her because she is awesome but in your case its different because thats ur grandma not even there when her daughter died! How sad! Luv Alyssa and God Bless |
Date: 3/27/2001 2:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 30742
No way are you a bad person. Sounds like your grandmother needs help. It may sound awfull silly, but pray for her. Pray that she will be blessed with the truth about herself and maybe then she will see how unsensitive and selfish she has been. When you feel ready to forgive her you will have peace, but I think you would be smart to stay away from a person who is so capable of hurting the very people who she should be the most important to her. I wish you many blessings.  |
Date: 3/27/2001 2:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 18781
I am in no way defending your grandmother's actions or reactions but I think that there are some people out there that grieve in very different ways from most of us. My mom is 86 and she shows very little emotion. I know that she loves me but she isn't a very emotional person. Her mother was that way. I always percieved her as cold. I think that it was the way they were brought up. Even if you never choose to be close to your grandmother, I think for your own peace of mind it may be better to let go of the hurt and try to forgive. If for no other reason then for yourself. Anger can turn us into a cold person and you never want to be like your grandmother. I am sorry for the pain and loss that you have gone through.  |
Date: 3/27/2001 9:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 28767
Sometimes it's not worth talking to people, I would go talk to your grandma tell her what you think. Leave before she says anything and don't talk to her again. You will feel so much better when she's out of your life. ***I know this sounds really cruel and mean, but some relatives can be very cruel and mean, and after you've given them many chances they still go and do stuff like that. The best way is to say a last good bye and move on with your life. snowy  |
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Date: 3/27/2001 9:50:00 PM
From Authorid: 28767
Also I'm very sorry that your mom died. My friend died of cancer at age 15. It's hard. God Bless. snowy |
| Date: 3/28/2001 6:35:00 AM Forgive but don't forget. Jesus forgave the men who crusified Him, we should do no less. |
| Date: 3/28/2001 4:04:00 PM Please understand that in no way am I trying to disrespect your mother, but it seems that your mother did not have, or want a realtionship with your grandmother. She did not want her at the hospital when she was sick., and did not make a request for you to make sure she was at the funeral. I can understand how your grandmother may have felt that she was not wanted. Did anyone else take her feelings into consideration? After all she is an elderly woman, and it was her daughter that did not want her to even visit before she died. Sometimes one's actions after a loved one haas passed seem cold, such as the asking for her things back. Maybe this was her way of insuring that she had something to remember her daughter by. The excuse that she could not come to the hospital because of her Limo ride and her friends daughter's wedding may have been that, just an excuse. Would you want to be somewhere where you knew were not wanted? Don't you think that kind of rejection hurts?. She had her clergy say a prayer for your mother. I dont think anyones prayers will hurt. Did you also consult with the grandmother as to the closed or open casket? Did you accept her or reject her as your mother did? Only you know the answers to this. You have already lost your mother, don't lose your grandmother as well. It sounds as if she is a lonely woman that has been rejected by her family. Remember your mother was her daughter. Your mother rejected her for reasons known only to her. Forgive your grandmother and try to understand that she also is greiving, not just the loss of her daughter, but you as well. Again I am in no way meaning any disrespect to you or your mother, but i think that your grandmother after being rejected by her own daughter, needs some com[passion and understanding. Maybe you can be the first family member to extend this and a good relationshio could develop. |
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Date: 3/28/2001 6:00:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21376
I was always close to my grandmother and my mom always tried to be. But it was her constant changeing the subject to the (poor her), that got to my mom, her problems were far more important than my mom's tring to get my mom's mind off her own problems? well hello! I was the only one keeping my grandmother informed on mom, and the horrible things she did to them past and present, Before my mom got married when she was ingaged to my father, she had applied to a college she wanted to work for the FBI. her dream. Well she never heard back so she married my dad and settled down,It turns out grandma, tells her to get it off her chest, she did hear from the school as a matter of fact My MOM was awarded a full scholarship!But my grandmother thought it would be better to settle down and give up this foolishness of FBI> This has been bothering my mom for over 40 years why they never contacted her when she finely told my mom this.A year ago, she was totally crushed! Angry!I know storys of things she's done to her youngest, mom's sister...She has always been a cruel woman to her own,but to the grandchildren she was good granted,On holidays we would invite her to spend the day with us, she would userly come but not without saying "well I don't know, I am going to wait on everyone else and see what they are doing first" Mom would say well I guess she's waiting for a better offer...and you know what she always was! |
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Date: 3/31/2001 7:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 28363
*Ooooh* Diana, this is soo heartrending...When my G-dad was in hospital for pnemonia, about once every week or so, they would have to use a needle from his back to pull the fluid out of his lung. He would be jus' fine, until it filled up again, 'bout a week later. One day I demanded the doctor do this procedure agin, he told me my father had signed a legal thing, telling doctors to stop all life saving procedures...Im like *what??*--My G-dad died about 3 days later, a painful, slow death. Needless, to say, I was a little more than angry with my Dad! He died only a year later himself... I'm sorry you can't forgive your G-mom, but I do understand!  |
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Date: 3/31/2001 8:12:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 21376
Do you? (Tears) I just can't get this anger out of my system!Granted she was always great to the grandchildren,She is horrible to her own children who pretty much have given up on pleaseing her, except my one aunt who does everything for. Grandma badmouthed her at my mom's funeral and I am afraid I blasted her for it!I told her she does everything for you and you don't apreciate a thing she does!You always yell at her and no matter what you say she's wrong!I hope I made her think about it but she is pretty set in her ways...Thanks for your kind words.Everyone.I don't feel so awful anymore. ((((Hugs))) To you all and thanks for the advice.. Diana |
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