diary of a madman- (derek barnes)

February 9th, 2001 NOTE FROM LAN: I found this in my in-box when I came to work this morning. Derek is no where to be found. Derek also erased his hard drive before he left so I have no idea what Nexus said to him in the e-mail. I do know at one point that a guy claiming to be Nexus was hanging out at a off site chat room at http://mercury.beseen.com/chat/rooms/z/16460 If anyone sees him in there, let me know. And for the record, I am not freaking out, but I am a little concerned.

Hey Guys, Not much time to write this so I'll be brief. Lan when you find this on your computer, please do not freak out. Just post it... I am on to something and I don't want you to wig out over my disappearance. There is a method to my madness I swear.

The long and the short of it is that I got a reply from Nexus. He was on the newsletter list like I thought and when he got my "invite" he sent me an e-mail. I know it's him and not an imposter cause he knew some stuff about Adam that no one else would have known. In short: I believe this guy is the real deal.

So what did he tell me? I don't want to go into a lot of it cause it's a personal thing but he did reaffirm my belief that the stuff that has been happening in my life has been going on for a reason. Call it fate, or destiny, or a plot line from a B movie....whatever. Nexus told me something that I find hard to believe yet I have to believe it cause the knowledge fills in the pieces so perfectly. Yea, I know he was watching me without my knowledge but when he explains it, he seems benign. In short, I don't think Nexus is the monster I have made him out to be. I wouldn't go so far as to call him my guardian angel but it does seem like he's been looking out for me....trying to steer me in the right direction without becoming the all knowing puppet master.

You know Adam said it best..."discovery is a painful and arduous process." I'm in the painful phase right now but if what Nexus is saying is the truth then I should be moving down the road at a good little clip. Hopefully I can bypass too much of the pain and get right on down to the Discovery truck stop.

And that's why I had to leave without telling anyone. Nexus dropped enough clues for me that I know the next stage in my "process" doesn't lie in Central Florida. So I'm on the road and heading for what I think is the right place. Nexus did tell me that there was another clue in one of Adam's books but I think I have the knowledge I need without looking for that clue. Besides, I don't really want to go back over to Adam's. At this point, it's a little too painful for me.

So that's the facts. Hope you can understand my reasoning and I hope you don't freak out on me too much. I know what I am doing. At least I think I know. I should be back to freak central real soon and hopefully I will have a lot of info to share with everyone. Lan, do not freak out about this, ok? Nothing bad is going to happen. Trust me ok? Like Nexus said, "Language is a virus from Outer Space."

Hurdy Gur, Derek