History Moment Of My Life

**Name have been changed!!** and this was 5-6 years ago

Okay, I'm sitting here dwelling on the past, I know I know. You'll say "Don't dwell there." ect.

But you gotta admit... sometimes you get stuck there as well.

Anyway, here's a story of my past... Where low self esteem was running my life... literally.

His name was Eric* and he was breathtakeing beautiful. Tall, muscular, gentlemen, so sweet! His eye changed colors from brown to green and his hair was light brown, to his shoulders and soft as baby skin. (Give him extra points because he wasn't one of those guys that only wanna sleep with you, he wanted a REAL relationship.)

and I was... well... I was .. me =/ fat, short frizzy hair that I kept up all the time, with my eye makeup WAY to dark (I was going through my "I'm so goth I poop bats and so emo I bleed black" phase. lol)

I was 16 or so and a friend got us talking. Before long, we were dateing. I was so nervous and shy around him lol. One night we were cuddled up on my bed, watching a movie.... I take that back, it was playing but we weren't watching it, we were actually just talking and taking photos. After a bit we ended up walking to were his daddy and stepmama was visiting one of his family members... I felt so outta place (Which he picked up on) and we went outside. We got to talking, He was walking around and I was standing totally still. He came up and stood in front of me and we looked at eachother for a bit (I had no idea what to do) so I just asked "What?" he said "Nothing" and hugged me. We sat there holding eachother for a little while and I felting something crawling up my shirt (I had one of those shirts that cling around the cheast but is flow-y at the bottom) I went kinda tense (I knew it wasn't him, his hands where on my back) I tried so hard not to freak out haha. He turned around to go look at something and I grabbed what was climbing up my shirt really quick and crushed it....in...my.....shirt...............It was a beetle. I honestly wanted to go "ew ew ew ew!" but I played it off. All this happend in the blink of a eye cuz I didn't want him to know what happened. lmbo (It was night time by the way)

Once we started to head back to my house, he stopped me by turning to me and blocking my way, again I ask "What?" "Nothing." he says, going back to walking. Me laughing - "Gah please don't lead me into a snake or anything" Him - "We passed it a while back."

o_o <- was all I could do. We walked a little farther and before I know whats happening, He grabs me and twistes me around behind him so fast, both feet came off the ground while I hear a "click". I peek around him and there was a huge freakin dog there and he had a knife incase it came at us. (The road we were on as a lot of stray dogs that will attack anything near em) it didn't come at us though, just kept on.

again I was just like o_o whoa

He looks back at me ust staring at me...Again I ask "what?"

He keeps looking at me and says "You know what, it's why you said what last time." (I knew, I knew all right, I was just to dang nervous!) after he said that, he leand over and kissed me (at the moment our lips met, it thunderd and lightening lit up the sky) yes I'm serious. (That was our first kiss)

He smiled at me and we went back to walking quietly, when we were alomst to my house he said "You must have really liked that kiss" "Why?" I ask. He smiled and said "Cuz you haven't stopped smileing since it happened." I had not realized it till he pointed it out hahah.

When we got to my house we hung out outside a while till his daddy came and got him.

Few weeks later, he came over again and he actually helped my mama around the house, and he played with the dogs we had at the time...It was amazing. My sister and her hubby and kids came over and met him for the first time. After a whole, he had to go and shortly after, my sister left.

Before I go on with the story I'm going to point out He lived 16+ miles from me. I'm from Louisiana where humidity keeps it over 100 degrees in the summer (which is when all this takes place)

My sister calls me not to long after and says "Do you have ANY idea what he was doin!?" "What?" "He was walking." "Where!?" "He was walking to his house, we stopped and picked him up and he wasn't that far away from your house and was just drenched in sweat."

I bout had a heart attack. I called him and told him he should have told us he didn't have a ride (I thought his pawpaw had drove him to my house and was gonna get him)

....Seems like a girls dream come true right?

Heres the kicker... We would talk about our pasts and stuff to learn about eachother and seems to me his past was full of his ex.. before it was said and done.. I honestly felt I was just "the other girl" and that I was being compaired.... He even had her name tattooed on his shoulder (which killed me every time I saw it. I thought "Theres so way I can comapir to her" I thought, what am I? A fat loser with no life and.... the list goes on ya know?

I ended up breaking up with him, and I have regreted it ever since the day the words left my mouth and I'll tell you, my FAMILY is even mad at me for doing it lol. He is the OLNY guy they liked.

my sister asked me why I did it and I told her the truth... I couldn't comapair and he had to be dating me to pass the time or as a bet or something.. then she stated theres no way that was true cuz how he acted and how he walked so far just to come see me and stuff....

Sometimes its still hard to beleive cuz lets face it, my self esteem is still just as low but yeah lol.

I must say now, he is married and has a daughter. I'm so happy for him.... but sometimes it hurts.

I know I broke up with him... but *shrugs* I didn't wanna be a joke =/ (like I thought I was)

Sorry for the long story lol hope you liked this little part of my past. Part of me wonders about the "what ifs" Part of me wonders if he misses me... He asked for my number not to long ago... I wanted to give it to him, but I didn't for numerous reason. *sighs*

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