Howdy, I promised to tell my story that led me to the Hiway 80 Rescue Mission's New Discipleship Program for Addicts. It is a Program developed on a Biblical model of recovery, it combines counseling, bible study, self evaluation classes, outside recovery groups and finding your own path which means a church excetra. The reason I came here is because I was becoming a unhappy, begrudging person to my love interst and companion Scarlett that had to end because of my drunken, out of control and physically abusive actions at the Choctaw/Apache Pow-wow in Ebarb, LA.
If you have any idea who I am then you have some recollection of my posts and my agonizing over issues here on USM back in 2008. I met a fellow USMr, Melissa or Fiery Mom of 2, who was a widow and had serious medical/psychological issues which were keeping her from giving her children a good positive life. It seemed a win, win situation at the time. So, I left Fort Worth TX and moved near Gilmer, Texas in 2008, cleaned up the property and got really involved in her kids life, it is a time of change for me and them that was positive but we were not a romantic couple and issues concerning our own love life began to surface so by 2010 I went to local single sites and met Scarlett.
She was so wonderful and we connected on spiritual issues, had same tastes in music we both were proactive, intensely motivated people and our romance was very loving and sexy. She wanted me out of my miserable state of mind and I wanted to help her save her land that she owned down near Carthage, TX. Scarlett is a MENSA member and has a Masters in psychology, a degree in chemistry and was a OBRN with her own practice in Minnesota before her divorce and chronic illness brought her back to her roots down by the Sabine River. She is a registered Choctaw/Apache tribal member and was the coach of the Olympic female wrestling team for the 2000 Olympics in China. I was deeply enthralled with her. Then the realities of our physical and mental state began to unravel our love.
We live fast and furious, never worring about tomorrow. Her illness is a rare one called Phorphria, it is a blood disorder cause by the lack of a enzyme that rids the body of toxins produced by our bodies during our production of red blood cells, hematine is the enzyme. The disease is very rare. She was treated at the Mayo clinic and has struggled ever since to find doctors who could treat her. They call it the "vampire disease"; it was also the disease that caused King George's madness.There we were, her dealing with her day to day struggles just to stay healthy and me being self righteous and self medicating to "prove" how noble I was by suffering with her. It became impossible, because I had so much arrested development in relationships and lived in constant denial. I resented her more and more but did not deal with the issue, instead I practiced avoidance and pushed my feelings inside. It did not take to long till it became a anger issue, the more I did not deal with the feelings, the more they built up. They all culminatated into a drunken fugue state on the Earth Day weekend in late April. No details except this, I was abusive, she has severe PTSD from past relationships so it was over. I decided to never drink or use drugs ever again and went to find help.
There are so many spiritual aspects to this also that are hard to explain at this time but hope to share in the future. Scarlett walked with so much grace and really tried to juggle her own physical issues and maintain a relationship but it was not ment to be. I still love her and pray that this will work out but know that the whole relationship would have to be rebuilt and only my walk with Christ will show me if it is possible. I was babtized here, have really faced my personal demons and have developed many relationships that are very positive. Thursday, I become a member of a wonderful christian church that is very modern but at the same time embraces the early church's mission and scope.
There is still more growth to go, am in the third phase of this program and have one more to go plus the post graduate stage which may include a leadership training program for six months which will give me the tools to be a minister/drug counseler of my own. I will stay focused in prayer, devotion and learning from now on. Rising out of my own will and doing God's will has already brought me into such a better place, true inner happiness.Where this path through the Narrow Gate leads me will be filled with wonder and amazement, peace and joy that it seems impossible but All Things Are Possible With God.
With Love, Bruce 9/18/12
