Sorrowful Memories

*Names have been changed*

Wasn't really sure where to put this because it's funny, but ends sadly.

I'm just sitting here thinking about the day I met my best friend/soul mate. *starts tearing up*

Of course, I was in a chat room and I was fighting some guy who was being real nasty to some girl.

I hate to see bullies anywhere so I was helping this girl and I put him in his place (he ended up logging off after I was done with him)

this person with long beautiful brown hair, cute button nose, and kissable perfect lips *day dream sigh* was joking and talkin about what had just happened.

I just commented back "thanks girl."

"Girl?"

Me- "Girl? Ma'am, Miss? Mrs?"

"I'm a dude."

Oh.... My .....Gah. I wanted to die!! I actually took the time to now look at his profile and see, yup, very very Native guy. haha (hubba hubba XD)

I spent the rest of the day talking to him and saying sorry sooooo much haha

We talked EVERY day for what felt like forever. We shared everything and I found out not long after we started talkin, he had a son.

Over time, I ended up callin Jacob* my son. Micah* (My friend) didn't mind. Instead he always talked about brining Micah down to see Louisiana and me.

Me, being a person with self esteem lower than a dead body in the ground, I told him "don't. It's not worth the money. It sucks here." (Which just about killed me because I had fallen head over heels in love with this man. He was perfect in every way shape and form)

He asked me one day "I have the feeling you are scared to see me."

"I'm Terrified."

I opened up and we had a looooong talk that almost made me give in and say "YES! don't make me wait any longer, get ya'lls butt here!" ..... but I didn't.... I said no.

A few weeks later he said he was taking his son on vacation and he would write when he was back home.

(Which when he said he would write, he always wrote/called/ect)

Over this time was had been talkin, he stayed with a headache, I worried about him so so so much and I thought a vacation would do him good ya know?

______________________

Days turned into a week, week turned into weeks, weeks turned into months.

By this time I was sleeping at my computer pretty much.

*stays quiet for a while* .......................I have always had a fear of flying always thinking they'll crash... so my thoughts got the best of me. I worried and worried and worried till I was making myself sick. Something was wrong, I knew it and I could feel it.

Finally I log in when I got home one day and see a missed IM from him...

"Is this (My native name he had gave me, no I ain't sayin)? Somethings happened, i've wrote everyone on Micah's friends list, if this is you please write back."

I wrote back asking what had happened and such..... I paced my room for what felt like FOREVER and finally got a reply.

"Micah is gone. He came home and was in the hospital. He had a brain tumor. He hemorrhaged to death" along with more details but I honestly can't say because i'm already crying way to hard.

I read it over and over and over and over again......I opened my mouth and screamed... I screamed a gosh awful sorrow filled scream and I didn't stop till I pretty much lost my voice. I fell to my knees and crawled to the bathroom where I cried so hard I threw up... I laid there for gosh knows how long feeling so dead....

His friend that wrote me is now taking care of Micah's son. He's awesome at it. He keeps me posted when he can..... but... It's not enough for me to be honest =/ not enough at all. I still call him my son. I can't tell you how many people I have disowned when all they say is "But hes not your son." He is my son. may not be blood, but if given the chance, I would spoil him rotten and raise him.

Losing Micah killed something in me... and I mean it is dead. But it awakened something within me (and no... I wouldn't exactly call it a good thing lol. But I accept it and love it because it is me. It's always been me, I just never knew it was there)



There are still days I lose myself. I'm unable to move and all I can do is cry and scream.

There are days when I beg God to please give him back. To at lease let me have the chance to see him and tell him goodbye.



Do I have closure? Not a bit. Micah's friend wrote me not long after "Micah knew he was sick.... no one knew except his lawyer. He wrote you a letter. I gave it to his GF to send to you."

I pounded the tables walls...anything as hard as I could with my fists I was shattered and asked him how could he do that? why would he do that!?

Apparently, he didn't know Micah's girlfriend hated me to the earths END.

......It's been over a year since Micah passed away.... still no letter.... I'll never know what he wanted to tell me.

If theres more to add, I'll add it later, my mind is fogged and yeah telling this is harder than I thought it would be.

I just wanted to share how I met my best friend/soul mate.

.....Kindred he called us....Kindred.

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