I found my way back home!! ~FieryMomOf2~

I've been ill and without internet for quite some time now, but I'm here! I tried accessing the site on my phone, but it didn't want to cooperate so I gave up. WOW how things have changed! Without going into detail too much, I was left alone in the new house, and couldn't afford it. So my best friend moved in for a bit, then she moved as well. So...me and...you ready? my FIANCE'!! (yes I'm engaged as of 11/11/11!!) and my 2 boys (who are now 14 and 12) moved to the other side of town to a smaller rent house that is a fixer upper. We're looking at buying this house with sweat equity and a small down payment if we can get it in good working order (it's not bad, just some cosmetic stuff, the major things being a new roof in about 2-4 years, and a couple of spots in the floor that need new wood), next year sometime.

I lost my job working from home, AOL is TOUGH to work for, although I think I was wrongfully terminated due to disability accommodations but can't prove it. On top of that, because I'd been working, even part time, Social Security said "Oh you're not disabled anymore!" and took away my disability immediately, no warning, and cut off my insurance. So I've been working slowly at getting my insurance license and finally completed the coursework as required by the state. I go for my state exam Saturday! I'm nervous about the job, it's commission only, and involves a lot of driving to appointments, but at least it's not cold leads, these are people that have expressed a need/desire/want for insurance or Medicare supplemental insurance, and that's who I'll be seeing as potential clients.

Needless to say, things have been rough around here, but we're surviving. We're still in a state of disarray, boxes packed everywhere, with me still in recovery I haven't been able to do much at one time, and my fiance' Billy has been doing a lot while he's looking for work also, like unpacking some, repairing "urgent" things around the house (shower/tub leaked, etc), and helping me with the kids. Today (Dec 6th, technically yesterday now in my time zone as it's after midnight) marks the 3rd anniversary of my Daddy's death, a very emotional day for me. I miss him like it just happened hours ago instead of 3 years. Christmas...well...it's coming and there's no getting around it. I can't even get a tree put up this year. No room and no time. No stockings, no decorations, no lights. It's a very solemn time here, but we're quietly remembering the reason for the season, and being thankful we have a roof over our heads. My boys (Ryan and Jacob, Ryan is autistic, for those who might or might not remember) are taking it as well as they can.

We've been in worse shape, but not in a long time. We are survivors however. I missed all of you so much, I can't believe it's been this long. I simply haven't been able to sit down and update on all what's going on. I checked the memorial page and was shocked to see Randy's name (I at one time believed he and SeeDot were the same person but saw that was incorrect as noted in the comments) as well as Duncle's...my heart and love and prayers go out to their families. For as long as we can maintain internet, I swear not to do another vanishing act. I don't have it in me to write the poetry I used to write, at least not until I'm back to my old self 100%. If George/Ginger happen across this post, and want to update my address, or for anyone else who wants it..please send me a PM requesting it.  If you want my phone #, you'll have to ask for that privately.

An old friend of mine has an account with Verizon, and let us have 2 phones on his account so we could have a phone for emergency purposes, and hopefully this new job will allow me to purchase a cell of my own for business purposes. I don't currently have unlimited minutes, but I do have unlimited texting. I have a Lifeline home phone, but it's rarely used except for local calls and for the purpose of establishing residency (kids' school mainly). I hope someone out there remembers me! LOL Noticed the profile award changed from 5 to 6 years, and yep, I joined just months before the kids' father passed away. Jacob, my 12 y/o, has completely lost any memory of him and Ryan, the 14 y/o, has very vague memories but they're more like brief "flashes" of memory. He can recognize his Daddy's picture whereas Jacob can't unless I nudge his memory a little. And I'm not doing much to keep his memory alive either. The boys know it wasn't a happy marriage at the end, and they just want to move forward with life.

As far as Jacob's concerned, my fiance' is the only Dad he's ever known and he's perfectly happy with that. Ryan still wants to remember his Daddy, but he's talked about less and less with each passing month/year. We don't celebrate his birthday, I don't cry on the anniversary of his death or on our wedding anniversary, and I don't even remind the kids of what day it is, and they don't ask. It may sound harsh, but nobody lived the life with him that I did. Didn't mean to go off on a tangent there, but I've got diarrhea of the fingers it seems. LOL Anyway, it's midnight-thirty and I'm exhausted after a long day. So glad to have found my way home again. And not leaving no matter what I have to do!!! God bless and keep.... Melissa aka FieryMomOf2

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