As of late, I've been diagnosed with a personality disorder that's been bothering for as long as I can remember. It's called Avoidant Personality Disorder (or AvPD) and it's an extreme form of social phobia. This means I usually come off as cold and distant and my biggest fear is criticism, and because of this I often back out of close interpersonal relationships and stay out of intimate relationships for fear of not being good enough. I constantly avoid standing up to speak out of fear for embarrassment or being told that I'm wrong. I write lots and lots of stories to get away from the real world and sometimes I'll imagine I am the main character just to see what it's like in the mindset someone else and just so I don't have to be stupid me. But this personality disorder isn't even a chip off the ice block.
As a teenager, as odd as this seems, I still have imaginary friends. None of them are exactly people I made up, but rather characters from books, video games, and television that I will hang out with. Oftentimes I live in my own little world with characters. I can't remember a time when I haven't done this - even when I was a really little kid, I would imagine myself playing with cartoon characters. I could be sitting in school when I look over and I'll see a character from a video game sitting there listening to the lecture. Part of this issue I believe comes from my trust issues. I know that my imaginary friends will never betray me or change or leave me to hang out with the cool kids. I don't want to stop being best friends with these imaginary people, but all the same I do. People tell me I space out a lot or I'll sometimes have mood swings and I realize it's because I've been seeing these hallucinations doing things that only I can see that make me react in certain ways.
I only have one other true friend, and she seems to experience the same thing. I asked another friend if he had an imaginary friend, and he said, "Imaginary friends are for little kids... People that still have imaginary friends past like ten years old are usually messed up weird kids with psycho problems." How useful.
So, in response to my AvPD and imaginary friends, what should I do? I can't muster up the courage and confidence to tell anyone that I've been having psychological problems, but all the same, I want them fixed. Help?
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