I've made a decision ~FieryMomOf2~

I've been having a lot of personal angst going on lately. The emotional issues I mentioned in a previous post still are there, I've only talked about them with one other person, and haven't really gone into much detail. Anywho, part of my angst has been over my 12 y/o, Ryan. Most all of you know that he is autistic. He is in a special school called a "Community School" for "emotionally and mentally disturbed youth." This label itself is a problem with me, but I let it slide because at the time we had no other options. He was going to be held back a grade if we didn't do something and quick.

I've had nothing but headache and heartache from this place. Ryan is absolutely miserable. He was ON HIS KNEES this evening crying and begging me to homeschool him and not make him go back "to that awful place." The whole vaccination scare yesterday sent me over the edge. Apparently they are now giving vaccinations if you're not up to date at the school. Ryan came home telling me one of his closest friends had the shot and said "I think I'll probably be next, but it doesn't hurt much." I'm NOT going to debate the pros and cons of vaccination in this post, but it goes against my religious and personal beliefs. I had Ryan vax'ed at an early age only because the special needs pedi (remember I'm HIV positive and children of an HIV positive mother are required to be seen at Children's Hospital in Dallas for the first 18 months of life), anyway the pedi said she would refuse to see him if he wasn't vax'ed. Like a naive young mother, I went along with it. I threatened a lawsuit by the time my second child was born, if they touched him with a needle. Ryan has not had any vaccinations since he was 6, and Jacob has only had 2 (because he was taken there by his now-deceased father, going against my beliefs and wishes that he not be vaxed).

ANYWAY, I had looked up Texas Virtual Academy last year, but held off on enrolling him because the community school VOWED that they would have him mainstreamed by the end of the year. It didn't happen. I was told at the end of school last school year to give them 3 weeks to 'settle in' and then we'd meet and make the decision as to whether to mainstream him one class at a time or not.

Over time I began to think of the various ways they have messed me and my son over, the threats of CPS if I didn't bow to their wishes, and I got really angry. Here I am forcing my son into a situation that is making his life a living hell. Bruce noticed it for what it truly was: severe depression. How could I have been so blind? My own son was crying out for my help and I didn't listen, I let that school bully me. No more.

I enrolled Ryan in TXVA tonight. There is one hitch. I don't get my social security or my paycheck for another week and a half, and I have to come up with $25 to get a birth certificate to fax to them. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that, and time is pressing for us. I asked my mother, and she doesn't have the money to spare either. Somehow, I've got to figure out a way, why couldn't it be as simple as downloading it on the internet for free? Everything else about your life is out there, why not your birth certificate?

Now, tomorrow I have to call the school and request a copy of his 504/IEP. They're going to ask why, and I'm going to tell them that unless they can get Ryan mainstreamed into at least 3 classes within the next two weeks, I am removing him and homeschooling him through TXVA. The proverbial poop is going to hit the fan. But I am tired of sitting back and taking their bullying. All they want is the special ed money they get for each kid they get sucked into their grasp.

My NINE year old who is in FOURTH grade knows cursive writing, for example, and Ryan, who is in SEVENTH, just today got sent home with some cursive papers to practice writing. He should've known this years ago. I have repeatedly told them that handwriting is difficult for him due to his limited motor coordination skills, and that he should be allowed to come into the handwriting process at HIS own rate of mental maturity. I feel like if they'd started gentle encouragement 3 years ago, he wouldn't be sitting in my chair crying as he struggles to make a cursive "R." For me, it's all or nothing. They should've either started with him at an earlier age, or left it alone altogether. It's in his IEP that he be allowed to use the computer for any written assignments. Now you know as well as I do that a child needs to learn to write. However, many autistic children NEVER learn to write, and some are delayed even up until their 20's.

The school is inconsistent, shoddy at best. However, I am having doubts about my own abilities as a homeschool teacher. Bruce has agreed to help me, and he has much more of a teacher personality than I have, by far. The great thing about TXVA vs. traditional homeschooling is that TXVA (which is a state-funded public school online) prepares your lesson plans, sends you the workbooks and teaching materials that you need to instruct your child.

I'm through backing down and being threatened. This has gone on long enough and it's time my child gets some happiness in his life. All kids moan about going to school, but to have one genuinely distressed and depressed over the school environment for THREE YEARS is beyond belief. I'm ashamed that I let it continue on for this long without intervening.

Now I just need to find a way to get to Dallas to get a long copy of his birth certificate and the money to get it with, rather than wait 4-6 weeks (which I don't have) for them to mail it to me.

I am constantly looking for ways to improve the quality of life for my children.

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