Feeling down about my job ~FieryMomOf2~

Maybe it's just nerves. Maybe it's just the waiting. The hoping, the praying. The endless praying. The foreboding sense of doom that nothing has ever gone right in my life, and that it won't this time either. My supervisor told me I stood a good chance of nailing the supervisor position, the one that would require me to move from Texas to Colorado. But he also told me that a lot of other people put in applications as well. I didn't put it on my resume' because I couldn't remember exact dates and the companies' names or addresses, but I've worked in customer service since 1989, when I was 18. I've had a few other jobs, but always end up back in customer service, and usually in a leadership/supervisory position. But yet I couldn't put that on my resume' because like I said I couldn't remember the dates and places.

I am an overworrier. I know this. I am worrying over every little detail of the potential move. The company doesn't pay relocation expenses, so I will have to find a way to borrow or save or both the money I need to move. If it happens, God will show me the way and provide me with the way to get this done, I know this. But I've gotten my hopes up about great jobs before, and been shot down.

What hurts worse is that my kids are excited about moving. I really thought they'd be difficult and want to stay here and not go. But the promise of snow in the wintertime and the possibility of learning to snowboard and ski has them sky-high about moving. Simple pleasures for innocent souls. When I told them we'd live in a nice neighborhood with lots of other kids around to play with, they were over the moon. They have next to no one out here, save for 1-2 friends that it's a major effort to get together with. Now all they talk about is flying back and forth between Denver and Dallas, and how much of the country we could see from that far up in a plane. I still haven't adjusted myself to the idea of flying as I said I'd never get on a plane LOL

No amount of worrying will do anything for me except make for sleepless nights and anxiety every time the phone rings. The acceptance period for applications just closed today, so it could be weeks before I hear anything back. I dread opening my email and finding yet another "Thanks but no thanks" email or letter in the mail.

I'm so restless lately. I'm edgy, except when I'm on the phones. Then I'm so totally calm and relaxed. It seems the only time I can truly relax is when I'm at work. When I'm not, I feel like I should be. I feel guilty for asking for Thursday off (they wouldn't let me swap my days off), but I have to meet my son's teacher. And I worry that will play against me.

My supervisor promised he emailed the HR director on my behalf, but how many other similar emails did that person get from other supervisors about other agents?

I tend to be self-prophetic and if I expect something will turn out not the way I want, it usually does. I want to have hope, and believe him when he says I have a good chance. Luck has never been my friend, unfortunately. I find myself getting depressed over not getting the job before I even give myself a chance, and I hate that. But I don't want to have false hope, either.

It's just the waiting that's getting me very very anxious. I want this job so badly I can literally taste it. I dream of a home on a tree-lined street, with neighbors that are friendly and kind, with schools that are great for my children, working at a job for a company I love.

I have a lot of people saying they are praying for me, and I hope He hears those prayers. Just once, I want things to go my way, that's all I ask, nothing more. Well, that, and to get over my phobia of planes ;)

Thanks for listening to me ramble..

Melissa

Show all stories by   Author:  63201 ( Click here )