When the famous politician and orator William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) was a young man, he went to the home of the father of his prospective wife to ask him for her hand in marriage. Bryan was determined to impress the father by quoting from the Bible, and he chose Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.”
Bryan was unnerved when the father replied by quoting Paul: “So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.” (1 Corinthians 7:38)
Bryan, never at a loss for words, said: “Yes, but Paul had no wife and Solomon had 700. Therefore, I believe Solomon ought to be the better judge as to marriage.”
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All in the Perspective
Two mothers met for coffee. “Well Ruthie, how are the kids?”
“To tell you the truth, my son has married a real tramp!” says Ruth. “She doesn’t get out of bed until 11. She’s out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? Ha! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant.”
“Oh! What a shame. And how about your daughter?”
“Ah! Now there’s a lucky girl. She has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy whatever she needs, and in the evening he always takes her out to dinner at a nice restaurant.”
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Natural Born
In one of K.C.’s classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States. It was pretty simple - the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen.
In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone’s jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argu- ment by stating, “What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?”
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Stone's Throw
A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. “It’s only a stone’s throw away from the beach,” he was told.
“But how will I recognize it?” asked the man.
The reply came back: “It’s the one with all the broken windows.”
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You've been programming too long when
- When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
- When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
- When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
- When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
- When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
- When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
- When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
- When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
- When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
- When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
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Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
~Blacksunshine 
19871 Category:(Humor) Created:(8/1/2009 8:21:00 AM)