I'm still here! Just mainly lurking and reading these days. I still have my job with Cloud 10, and doing very well at it. I love working at home! No hair fixing, makeup, picking out clothes to wear, just whatever's comfortable. And better yet, no gas money or babysitting money to be spent!
I did lose my car a few weeks ago, it's a very long boring story but basically I got behind, they told me they'd work with me, next thing I know the car is gone. My mom has one she is selling to me, it just needs to be put back together first. Bruiex is going to be working on that with my brother for the next few weeks trying to get it running. Having to either be stuck in the house or depend on others for rides absolutely sucks!
I'm struggling with some very personal issues right now (none health-related) that have me a bit emotional because I can't talk to anyone about it. It invades my dreams, I've commented subtly on it so much (heck I didn't even realize I was hinting at it!) at work that one of my co-workers asked me what was going on, as she's noticed I've changed. I still can't talk about it. It is life-altering and could alter relationships as I now know them. And I'm not willing to do that. I don't see a counselor anymore and I'm not sure she could even help me. I spend my days buried in the internet, trying to block out the outside world so I don't have to think about it. And that's so not healthy. I don't like this helpless feeling, and I don't like feeling trapped in a heart and mind that betrays me. I'm glad everyone is asleep because I'm now in tears thinking about it. It makes me sad to feel like I'm shutting out my kids because I'm so lost in my own fears and feelings that I can't think straight. They need me, and I feel like I'm on the outside looking in to my life. I just wish I could go into more detail. All I can say is that I need prayers and thoughts as I struggle to deal with what's going on inside of me.
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Halloween is Right around the corner.. .
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