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Date: 4/6/2009 4:50:00 PM
From Authorid: 10754
Control is an illusion.  |
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Date: 4/6/2009 4:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 10245
no it's not right... but it's also not right to expect that anytime "he wants it" that he's going to get it. mutual respect goes a long way and intimacy is so much more than a physical act.  |
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Date: 4/6/2009 5:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 26303
Don't believe it. Yet believe it. That saying doesn't necessarily relate to the act itself. If a man finds you attractive, he may treat you better than some others. I didn't realise for quite sometime that I had it over an old boss of mine. He never knocked me back on any requests, none. I always thought that was because they were reasonable and well presented requests. But apparently not. I could ask for something that others had been knocked back on and get. Actually made me feel uncomfortable once it was pointed out to me. But, I've gotta admit, once I was over that, I did use it to my advantage. I never, ever flirted with him, I didnt' need to. As far as using your sex within a relationship, I would never withhold, but then I wouldn't expect my partner to demand either or withhold his love for me.  |
Date: 4/6/2009 6:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 49689
no ultimate control over me,because I can kick her to the curb and go get it someplace else  |
Date: 4/6/2009 6:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 36901
I think it's just plain stupid. Sometimes I'll say something along those lines to my hubby in a joking manner, but he knows I'm just kidding. I'd never use something that special and meaningful to make threats etc...  |
Date: 4/6/2009 6:31:00 PM
From Authorid: 15319
JF, so good to see you again. I did so enjoy spenting time with you in Feb of last year. To answer your question, if a girlfriend of mine tries controlling me with sex-denial she is going to be massively dissappointed. Unlike most mid-20s guys, my life does not revolve around sex, and I can go quite a long time without it.  |
Date: 4/6/2009 6:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
It's not fair to try to control a partner, or anyone else for that matter with anything at any time..but that's just me...  |
Date: 4/6/2009 7:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 22188
I don't think you're wrong in any of your opinions here. Yes, just like any other commodity, sex can be used to manipulate in a relationship, but it does cheapen the act. Viewing sex and relationships with idealism may seem naive to some people, but really shouldn't we all approach love with a naive attitude? I get the feeling that what's bothering you is a lot bigger than this question...maybe because I've been there too. Unfortunately, you'll find in life that not all people are concerned with what is right or what is fair. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't continue to strive to live your life as close to perfection as you can. It's the same as it is with any other dream: If you shoot for the stars, you may never reach them, but you'll probably get a lot further than someone who is only aiming for the tops of the trees.  |
Date: 4/7/2009 2:57:00 AM
From Authorid: 37150
No one should control anyone, especially using anything against their partner or whatever.  |
Date: 4/7/2009 12:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 62849
No, it is not fair or right to use sex for control or to get what you want, especially if you are hoping to gain any respect from a guy. Then again, that doesn't stop thousands of girls from getting pregnant each year simply to keep a man around.  |
Date: 4/7/2009 2:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 21903
To answer your question: no. I feel that no form of manipulation is the okay or "right" when it comes to relationships. If someone is so selfish they are going to be manipulative to get what they want--they should be left standing alone b/c I wouldn't want to be involved w/anyone like that. I am like you; I view it as affection. It is cruel and unhealthy to withold affection. I also don't like that concept that the woman holds the "ultimate power over a man" b/c it says we are not equals. I am like you in that my reality often isn't reality at all, just that hopeful invention of how I think it should be. I often feel everything should be as fair and equal as possible in this world, so one partner holding the "ultimate power" over the other somehow just seems plain wrong to me. Interesting postie friend!!   |
Date: 4/7/2009 6:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 54444
"All's fair in love and war" author unknown  |
Date: 4/8/2009 12:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 998
If a couple can not work out their issues and problems without resorting to withholding affection, then they have far larger problems than they think. The last thing that should come between a couple is love .. and that includes intimacy.  |
Date: 4/8/2009 5:28:00 AM
From Authorid: 10657
Okay, I'm going to say it Every woman/man for that matter should know that this ploy works and works well to their advantages. Any of you that say you have never done or would never do are probably looking the other way or not admitting it to themself. Have you withheld the deed because you got into a fight? Done the deed because you did get into a fight? Hello then yes you too have used intimate relations to get what you wanted. We all use intimate relations as a form of manipulation you don't have to be one specific gender to do so. The examples above were just two examples of how we use intimate relations to manifest a situation into our best interest. And not one gender has more ultimate power over the other. It's easy enough to find a willing participant in the best/worse of times.  |
Date: 4/9/2009 2:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 53284
If you get into issues of controlling a relationship, I think that the relationship is doomed. If I were in a relationship and the other person started playing games like that, I'd end the relationship.  |
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52140 Category:(Discussion) Created:(4/6/2009 4:40:00 PM)