A very odd dream...and a question.~FieryMomOf2~

As you all know, my dad passed away 2 months ago. I miss my daddy like crazy. So last night my mom took me and my brother and our 4 kids out to eat at a Mexican restaraunt in the town where she works. OMG the food was so delish. I think it's part of the reason I'm up at 4:30 a.m. with heartburn, despite Nexium. That, and a possible dislocated rib in my back that's aching like crazy.

Anyhoo, I had another lucid dream. I could literally feel the anger surging through me, and when I woke up the adrenaline was pumping. I dreamed that my daddy had in fact not passed, but had made a comeback and was back home. We were staying in a tiny apartment in Dallas (I live 3 hours east of Dallas), and my mom decided to move in with us. She supposedly had been seeing another man after my father's death, and suddenly decided to take on the role of wife again. I was seething mad, taking every opportunity to tell her she had moved on, this was MY Daddy and I'd be the one to take care of him, and telling her to go away.

I was hateful, spiteful, downright cruel to my mother in the dream. I told her she didn't deserve to sleep in the same bed with Daddy and that I would sleep with him to keep him company while he recovered. I was a total you-know-what in the dream. I even had a friend in the dream (whom I haven't seen in YEARS) tell me I could petition to the apartment manager to have her removed since 5 people weren't allowed to live in the 2 bedroom apartment (so I'm assuming my children were living there with us too).

I don't understand why I reacted so violently to my mother in the dream. I've always been 100% Daddy's Girl, even though we butted heads over the years, because we were so danged much alike! My mother, I could walk all over. It was easy to get stuff over on her, and I took advantage of that in my teens. I really didn't appreciate our relationship and friendship until later on as I neared 30 and began to have children of my own. Now we have a deep bond and can talk about anything and everything. She gave up everything for 2 years to take care of Daddy. No going out to dinner with other department heads, no family nights where she works, nothing. It was straight home from work every night without question. If she had to stop at Wal-Mart for medicine or a few groceries, me or my brother would stay with Daddy until she got home. He simply couldn't bear to be alone because secretly he was afraid he would have another stroke and no one would be around to help him (he had 2 back-to-back strokes soon after being diagnosed with lung cancer). Daddy's care has been Mom's sole focus for 2 years, and although I'd give anything to have my Daddy back, I'm glad in a way that the burden has been lifted off my Mom's shoulders.

When I woke up, I was angry. I lay there thinking awful things, I couldn't shake the dream. It eventually led me to one focused thought: When Mom passes, what happens to their house? We haven't really discussed it, except between my brother and I. I shouldn't be thinking things like this and I know it, but I can't help it. I lay there thinking "As firstborn child, the house should belong to me. But knowing that my brother is a mama's boy, she'll probably give it to him" and that made me even more upset. Such a petty and useless thing to worry about at 4 a.m. isn't it? Should I even approach my mother about it and ask? Or call her and laughingly tell her about my dream in a funny way and kinda lead my way to the question. I'm afraid if I bring it up to my mom, she'll go running and tell my brother I asked, which will get him ticked off. She tells him everything I say, which kinda drives me up the wall. Of course, she tells me everything he says, which sometimes I wish she wouldn't do. There are some things I'd rather hear from my brother himself.

Anyway, I can't think straight at 4, well 5 a.m. now. Heartburn is driving me crazy, my back hurts and I wish I could sleep. What do you all think?

It's got me confused and upset right now...

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