Who am I as a woman? What am I missing?

I grew up in a house seeing an emotionally weak mother who depended on a man for her self worth. I've come to associate that with weakness. So, in order to avoid being hurt like she was and not attract jerks that would prey on my vulnerability, I tried to come off as a strong woman by being a man-hating feminist.

But since I've joined the military, I've come to realize that I don't need to be that way. But I've built my identity from being a weak woman, do as I'm told and then converting to uber feminist after two bad relationships. After seeing that I am strong but don't need to hate men, that there are actually decent ones out there, I don't know which way to go because my beliefs went from one extreme to the other, I don't know where to go from here.

I guess the "identity crisis" that I'm having right now is that I'm not a quiet girl but I speak my mind and have my own opinions. I've always been put down for speaking my opinions, especially in church. So I also used the feminism to voice my opinions in addition to protecting me from attracting jerks. But it still never gave me peace and I still never made me feel strong.

I know that there has to be some middle ground out there, but I'm not sure where it is. Does anyone have any advice?

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