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Notice: This Advice is free advice and only for (Fun). It is provided by person or persons not affiliated with the Unsolved Mysteries website and neither Unsolved Mysteries or the persons giving the advice will assume any responsibility for consequences for the actions you take as a result.
Date: 1/20/2004 3:59:00 AM
From Authorid: 54570
Hmm ok Odd here goes ... Odd #1. Yes they should be happy to an extent. Odd #2. other than finding the source of the misery and breaking its legs..... Only time can heal. Odd #3. You can be there for him. No you havent done too much what he needs is a shoulder and an ear at this time. ok now for Joe's...... Joe #1. Women love being treated like dirt. Bad guys are usually overconfident and treat them in this way. Joe #2. Women can never be satisfied. The bad guys seem like the "popular" ones and they want some of that popularity attention as well. Joe #3. Murphys Law..... No matter how nice, clean and attentive you are... what you have or are capable of... Someone will be there to put you down and tear your dreams apart. Jeeez this Joe sounds like me 100%. Best advice. Get an air of confidence, act like the world is your oyster and it owes you everything. You only get one chance in life. You can never go back or restart it. That time is lost and you will only regret what you havent done. Do everything now. Live for the moment. I felt the same way about one gal in particular. It took me 2 years and a half to get over her. But now I have to laugh at her. she has three kids (single and last was twins) now but the father of both dumped her each time she was pregnant and then got back with her after the kid's was born. Now he has left her for a younger, no kids model.... and she is trying to raise the kids herself. Now the kids are no laughing matter. But the thought she was the one who wanted him and she is the one on the curb now is the funny part. Yes I may seem to have a cruel heart but if you went through what I have then this is the only consolation prize you have. Laughter at someone elses misery. Time to laugh, pick-up your life and carry on. Well I could ramble on and on but I aint. If you need me Odd I will be here for 20 more mins before I go to work.  |
Date: 1/20/2004 4:00:00 AM
From Authorid: 33925
"I know I can't help him unless he wants to help himself and try and I can't make him do anything" That one sentence said alot right there Oddy. You can't help him if he isnt willing to help himself. HE has to be the one to bring himself back. As for the questions..I know that I always went for the "badboys" because I knew it aggravated the heck out of my Mom..LOL..If my Mom liked him, he wasnt for me. I have since learned that is a stupid way to go about things. We NEED those good guys. We need the stability and the responsiblity of a good guy. It just takes some of us longer to realise that than others. Im sorry this has happened to this person, but its time for him to stop dwelling on the past and look to the future and if he will let it, there is a bright future out there waiting for him. He needs to realise something else too. If this relationship was meant to be, it will be again, and if it isnt, then he needs to move on and find that one relationship that IS meant to be. If he stays stuck in the past he will never move forward emotionally.  |
Date: 1/20/2004 4:17:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 25390
Thanks to both of you. This is great. i will direct him to both of your replies. *hugs*  |
Date: 1/20/2004 5:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 177
Heck, I'm a jerk...& I don't get women. I guess I must be a real loser. LOL  |
Date: 1/20/2004 6:00:00 AM
From Authorid: 5940
Your Question, 1. Yes, 2. Keep busy, by that I mean work, hobbies, with friends and keep on trying to find a different girl, this one's no good. 3. Your'e just fine as a friend, just help him if he asks for it. His questions 1. Who knows? Why waste time pondering over it? 2. Same answer, get out and find someone else. 3. Not true, nice guys take a beating sometimes, but in the end they are the true winners. It's a long race we call LIFE, and we're not finished yet!!!   |
Date: 1/20/2004 6:05:00 AM
From Authorid: 32133
girls do go for bad guys.....when i like a girl i'll try to be funny and nice to her and then some jerk smokin a ciggarete will just walk by and she'll fall in love with the guy.....i always here girls say "i like a guy who can make me laugh" or "i like a guy thats nice to me and buy's me stuff" then one jerk walks buy and she falls in love with the guy...............now to answereing the questions 1.)yeah, somewhat...2.)just keep him convinced that there is someone out there and hope he finds someone...3.)no i didnt really understand that....................................now joe's questions....1.)i still cant figure that out.....2.)im not sure about this one i would say because they think that the jerk is a better choice because he has "cool" friends and she just wants to fit in...thats at least if he is still in school...3.)nice guys finish last cuz they try to help everyone else....im sry i wasnt that much of a help im probly much younger than joe but i have some of the same problems.  |
Date: 1/20/2004 6:24:00 AM
From Authorid: 58078
First off...being a woman...let me just say that NO woman..or even man for that fact is worth taking your life. Now onto the questions....1)You definitely need to be happy with yourself before being happy with someone else. Yes someone else might bring the happiness out in you but if there is something deep down that you are unhappy with only you can fix that...noone else can...it will always still linger. 2) I personall hate when people say Time..heals..but its true..in time he will heal. He just has to be strong and believe in himself. Unfortunately having your heart broken is part of life...Learn from it and move on. There is someone out there for everyone. 3) You are not being a nosy friend you are being a concerned friend. He needs you and your support right now and it sounds to me like you are doing a great job at it. NOW "Joes" questions 1)Its not so much that we go for the "bad" guys persay its just that they are more of a challenge. I know in the past I was dating some guy that would bend over backwards, he was so nice, nice to the point that it was disgusting. Grant it its nice for people to do things for you and be nice and everything like that but it can be overbearing. I ended it with him telling him basically that I knew I would end up hurting him and I didn't want that. There has to be some sort of challenge and independance. If a guy does EVERYTHING for the girl and bends over backwards eventually the girl will take advantage of the guy and thats just not right for him. I'm not saying turn into a jerk just get a backbone. Treat your lady with love and respect but at the same time, don't give in constantly and basically do everything under the sun for her. Make it a slight challenge. 2) Basically like what I said in the first question, its not a challenge and the goody goody gets old and becomes a routine. They know that when they say jump you jump and they want that little "bad" side thats not going to ask "how high?" every time...occasionally YES...but not always. 3) Nice guys finish last because you get noticed last. I'm not sure how old "Joe" is but in my experience that I learned...like I said I ended it with the goody goody guy because he was boring and I got everything and I wanted a challenge and knew he cared more then I did and didn't want to hurt him anymore before it got serious so I ended it because I didn't want to "use" him. Now that I am older and "wiser" part of me wishes I had part of that. Thats where the good guys finish last is. If "Joe" ever need someone else to talk to or if you need someone to talk to...I'll here for you both. *hugs*  |
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Date: 1/20/2004 6:26:00 AM
From Authorid: 58078
Joe...I disagree with you...women don't like to be treated like dirt...thats not it at all... |
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Date: 1/20/2004 6:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 18103
Hi Darla. I'll give you my response, please share this with "Joe". I was always the female version of your friend Joe. I had the guys treat me like crap when I was very good to them. In fact I've been told by friends that I care too much at times. I've had my heart broken many times and I know how Joe feels. Everything reminds you of the last person you were so close to. I have a heart of gold and for some reason that's not always good enough. I could have $1 left to my name and I'd give it away to help someone even if I didn't get paid for a week or so. I was told I needed to think of myself and not others. I can't do that. I always put others first. See I was the one who thought I wasn't pretty enough for the guys. So I figured I'd just dress comfortable at school and wouldn't worry about the guys. Well I was comfortable in jeans/T-shirts, I was called a tom-boy for years. I found out the guys liked girls to dress up at times. But I didn't think they'd look at me so I didn't do that very often. The guys I did get seemed to be good ones until I got with them. Then I found out they only wanted one thing and would be very abusive (verbally, and emotionally) some were heavy drinkers and the only way they treated me half decent was to be totally trashed, then I was treated nicely behind the alcohol. I was starved for attention that I ended up with the BAD guys as your friend Joe refered to. I was just happy to have the so called boyfriend, and his attention even if it was bad. My Sr. year in High school (I gratuated in '83) I met a guy that was older than me by 4 yrs. and was out of school. We fell in love and planned to marry the next year. We saw each other daily after I got out of school and most of the weekend. Little by little I could see the alcohol taking over. His parents tried to warn me, but I didn't listen. After all this man loved me and wanted to marry me so I must have to put up with all of this drinking & etc. WRONG! I found out while I was out of state visiting family that he cheated on me (because he told me not to go visit). Well first of all NO ONE tells me not to do something because that just makes me do it even more. When I got back I found out about this because my parents caught him with this chick not once but twice in the mall/store holding hands & kissing. My fiance, my future...this girl had him. We broke up the day I got back in town. He married her. Why her? Who knows. I dated men afterwards was serious with a guy for 2 years, but nothing too serious until 1997 when I met my soon to be ex-husband. We got married in 1998 and I left him 9 months later. He was AWFUL. I wish I would have listened to my family/friends. But I was needed the attention/love once more. I ended up hurting worse. Now, I am with Ray who I have been with for over 2 years now. This man is simply wonderful. He has showed me how to heal along with his help and all of his unconditional love. He too was married before and was treated like crap just as I was. Ray doesn't abuse me in any way. In fact when we do argue it's usually because I am still not used to someone caring for the right reasons and I think otherwise. It's something I've had to deal with for a while now, but thank God Ray is working it out with me. I am very happy with this man and will do anything to keep him the same way. So please tell Joe I think we do it for the attention we may be starved for, or the love we so need. That's just my opinion. Sorry this response was so long, but I thought I'd poor my heart out.  |
Date: 1/20/2004 7:38:00 AM
From Authorid: 42259
Why do women go for bad guys? A deep-rooted primitive need to be dominated by a male.It goes back to prehistoric times when the guy would just drag a woman into his cave and she'd better stay-or else. The type of woman that goes for this is the kind that hasn't evolved. Just like some people are really hairy or have protruding jaws, these women want a mean man. And that is my theory. Tell your frined he deserves a modern woman who'll treat him right.  |
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Date: 1/20/2004 7:40:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 25390
Thanks, y'all, I will definately show "Joe" your replies. I'm not giving any more opinions. I just want him to read and decide for himself. |
Date: 1/20/2004 7:50:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
(Yours') 1) Yes. Absolutely true. We're born into this world alone (unless multiple-births) and should be able to function alone, if need be...2) Quit feeling sorry for himself. Heck, I've been in love with more women than I can count. Been rejected by most, but I'm still functioning..sorta. hehe..(little humour)..3)It's tough from a thousand miles away, Oddy. Actually, it would be hard if you were right next door. People have to see things for themselves, in many cases.......(His) 1) In my opinion, women "go" for a guy that makes them feel special....2) Because the girl doesn't feel special, even though the "good" guy waits on her hand and foot, gives her all his money, etc. etc....3) I actually hate that statement. Anyone only "finishes last," by choice...Sorry if I sound a little harsh, Oddy. It's easy to get hung-up on people, but we can't "make" someone love us....All that aside...You're a good girl for caring and trying to help your friend. Take care of you and Write on...  |
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Date: 1/20/2004 7:53:00 AM
From Authorid: 21435
I love the way you say "y'all." *wink*..Ok, ok, I'm gone.. |
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Date: 1/20/2004 8:02:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 25390
LOL Kronk. :P "Y'all" is all about who I am! |
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Date: 1/20/2004 8:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 56489
1.) Yes 2.) Nope, if he works with time he'll heal, but he must want too. 3.) Nope your doing all you could do and should do just be there as you are right now. Joe here goes: 1.) It all goes in "stages" Joe in my opinion. When your in your teens an things don't go your way & your rebelling, you have a tenancy to pick the bad guys that follow suit. 20's thoughts change it all becomes trial & error, few good guys that your not quite ready for, & a few bad boys along the way. When you hit late 20's mid 30's you start to get rid of the cranial rectumitus, and it's all about what you should be looking for, & what you want out of your journey through life. Then that's where you "good guys" finally come in. 2.) We do Joe when the time is right, apparently that girl just ain't ready for you yet, but when she gets trapped & screws up her life with that bad boy she's gonna hope her foot still reaches her butt so she can kick herself consecutively for missing the right opportunity. Remember Joe it's all trial & error. I always say " find a guy that loves and respects his mom " & he's the one that will love you & respect you for the rest of your life. Now I'm not talking about a mama's boy, one that if you disagree, she's there, if your sick, she's there, if your tight with money, she's there. I'm talking about one that loves & yet keeps some distance and privacy to your relationship. Call s her on birthdays & takes over a cake, but knows he has to reciprocate the girls side also. Always takes time out to visit her on holidays, & birthdays. 3.) You don't Joe you just come in when we come to our senses, LOL. Chin up Joe been their been hurt, no sense pinning over spilled milk, move on, but look around as your doing so, the one that is right for you might be right under your nose. I know I explained this a lot better the first time when I tried repling but come to find out I wasn't logged in, "YELLS UGH!"  |
Date: 1/20/2004 8:26:00 AM
From Authorid: 62506
Hello Oddy, Woodshed here. Your friend Joe sounds like me, many years ago. This is a very commom self-esteem problem, affecting 80 to 90 percent of the male population, around the world. The percentage is probably higher. Although most men never overcome this hurdle. They opt instead to compromise their true emotions and settle for a relationship based on false emotion in the hopes that it will eventually turn around and become what they wanted in the first place.( I hope I haven't lost you yet, have I?) My case in point, 50 plus percent of marriages end up in divorce. A relationship should never be based upon false premisses. And that is exactly what is happening in todays society. It's a wonder that our species manages to procreate itself. I do not offer myself as an expert in these matters, I am just a friend who long ago suffered as Joe does, until I discovered a remedy for the condition that Joe has found himself in. I won't go into it on the net for others to see.Rather, I would like for Joe to e-mail me and I will speak to him in private. I can help if he is willing to listen. My adress is in my profile box. I hope to hear from him. Woodshed  |
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Date: 1/20/2004 8:31:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 25390
Woodshed, I will give him your address. I hope he does decide to write you as well. |
Date: 1/20/2004 9:24:00 AM
From Authorid: 1631
Most people aren't attracted to needy, clingy people. When you are truly confident in yourself, you don't NEED anyone to complete you therefore you can find and maintain happy relationships because a healthy balance is achieved. Unless this guy fixes his own issues, he's going to continue to turn off women who simply don't need or want an emotional black-hole as a mate...  |
Date: 1/20/2004 1:57:00 PM
From Authorid: 6860
I think a lot of women are attracted to the "bad guys" because we think that we can help them or change them to be good. We tend to view bad boys as guys who are in need a woman's help and sensitivity, and that's what we try to do. "Save them" from their "badness". In response to the other questions, yes, you should love yourself before you love another, and before another loves you. You cannot expect to be loved by others if you don't love yourself. Joe should keep busy, basically "drowning" himself in activities that he enjoys, so that he can't feel depressed. Though only time will heal all wounds. I'd also suggest that Joe stay away from dating for a while until he is more confident with himself, and until he is less vulnerable. I think you've been a great friend, though do know the limits on how far you should be there for him. Let's see, women don't keep the good guys because we never really realize what we had until it's gone. And nice guys finish last because that's just the way it is. LoL I really don't know the answer to that one. Tell Joe to keep his spirits up, he'll find someone some day, but he can't rush things. Good luck!  |
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Date: 1/20/2004 1:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 6860
I agree with what Ali said too. Joe should take some time to work on himself and work on his own issues. |
Date: 1/20/2004 9:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 20956
I agree with you ~ he needs to learn to be happy by himself before he even thinks about entering a relationship. He needs to understand that he doesnt need a woman in his life to make him fullfilled ~ he needs to find away to do this on his own. Perhaps he is too reliant on his gf/partners. Without sounding horrible, no one likes to be with over needy people. I am not saying that this is him but by the sounds of it, he seems to believe that he is nothing without a chick. Going into ANY relationship with ANY girl with this frame of mind is going to spell trouble from the beginning. Get him to hang out with friends, go out and meet people but not with the intention of getting into a full on relationship. As for the whole attraction to bad guys thing, its true, there is definatley something about them and i believe its confidence, independance (ie. not making yourself available all the time), having a REAL life outside the relationship and often they appear exciting. I think the bottom line is that Joe needs to be on his own for awhile and learn to that he can be happy on his own before he can be happy with someone else. Good luck! PS: you sound like a great friend to him Odd, hes a lucky guy  |
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Date: 1/21/2004 5:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 62100
Ok..here goes..Odd's #1) I think that a person has to be by themself for a period of time and learn who they truly are and how to be happy with themselves before they can even think about being happy with someone else..I mean, if you don't even know yourself..how can you TRULY know what really makes you happy? Plus, knowing yourself gives you the knowledge of what behavior in someone else will or won't make you happy..then you learn to love someone else and make them happy. (Believe me..I have tried both ways..rushed into a relationship after highschool in which I was miserable but stayed for 10 years because I didn't know myself or what I really wanted or that there could even be any other life for me..then I finally left and lived just me and my daughter for a year and found out who I was..and now I am with a guy who knows the real me and loves me for who I am and I love him for who he is and we have been happy now for over 2 years). #2) Give himself time, go out and get some hobbies and be active, don't coop himself up..live life and learn who Joe REALLY is..knowing that is the start. #3) You can never do too much, just remember that sometimes your best isn't even enough..ultimately Joe has to step up and take responsibility for making his own life happy again and moving on..he can't and won't until he is ready. Joe's questions: #1)Sometimes women are attracted to that daredevilishness, that not a care in the world..bad ass attitude..someone who isn't afraid of anything. Even if we KNOW deep inside that this guy is SOOO wrong for us, we just can't help but be drawn to him..but we don't always STAY with guys like that cause they're undependable and we know they don't care about anyone but themselves. 2) Sometimes we may not recognize how good a man is for us..all we see is what bothers us about them..sometimes we don't feel that we deserve someone so nice..sometimes no matter how great a guy is it just isn't working and the magic is gone..lots of reasons. 3) Nice guys don't always finish last..it just takes them a little longer to get to the finish line sometimes. It takes a few wrong turns sometimes to find the right path..keep going Joe..you'll cross that finish line a winner.  |
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Date: 1/25/2004 8:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 177
I'm attracted to needy & clingy women...so long as they are cute. They can cling, & need me all they want. |
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