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Date: 12/3/2003 4:51:00 PM
From Authorid: 15157
Kat...if I wuz a judge..lemme tell you...you would win All Paws Down!...Wonderful work...very intreging picture you painted with your words!  |
Date: 12/3/2003 4:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 57116
wo wo WOW...now THAT'S poetry...great job!!!!  |
Date: 12/3/2003 5:00:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 14780
Gosh..Thank you...DO you see anything that can make this better?  |
Date: 12/3/2003 5:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 3688
I wouldn't change a thing on this one...but I gotta say it made me think of Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic" because of the title...which was way cool  |
Date: 12/3/2003 7:20:00 PM
From Authorid: 56840
Very nicely written! That first stanza does a good job of setting the poem.. I don't know if you'll win, but overall it is definately in the running! Keep writing..  |
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Date: 12/7/2003 8:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 33286
this carries a great feeling, there are a few things I would change though. I like the use of semicolins to replace some words and personally, I try to not repeat words in the same poem... sometimes you can't help it but, well... like this... ( ) < means add or change...[ ] < means delete.--------------- Ice blue eyes of the purest soul-- Midlength skirt; jewels that flow-- Dark brown hair at the waist (is) kept-- Silver bells (jingle) with every step.--// Flickering flames between wood set free-- Warmth of life and love is seen-- Dancing,singing around [ones] (the) fire -- Releasing energy of ones own desire.--// Gypsy love of earth and sky-- Raising her arms [she wants](wanting) to fly-- Dirt beneath her [,] feet so warm-- Jingling bells[,](  the music forms.--//A soulful journey within her dreams-- Massive energy and love it seems-- A flight of fantasy of other places-- A life of freedom and many faces.--// Traveling along an unbeaten path-- Strength and courage (within) her tracks-- Many miles of earth beneath her feet Co-existing with nature (as) her heartbeat. Dancing and twirling(,) feeling her soul-- Given a chance to connect and grow-- Gypsy Love of Earth and Sky-- Traveling along...to never die!-- it is really difficult to critique a poem in this forum, it all comes out as one long paragraph, but I left your line breaks and stanza breaks, I used -- to indicate line breaks and --// to indicate stanza breaks... I also took your two, two line verses and made them into one... some editors insist on proper punctuation and some are a little looser so the choice is yours on that, but personally I would put commas and periods where they belong.  |
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Date: 12/7/2003 8:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 33286
oops, missed one... dancing and singing around the fire. |
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Date: 7/9/2005 4:27:00 PM
From Authorid: 5818
This is really good Paw Power.  |
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